


insanity? more like crappity-crap-fuckery

by cathymee



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable Frodo Baggins, Angst, Aragorn is done, Awesome Galadriel, Boromir Lives, Chatting & Messaging, Don't Like Don't Read, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff, Frodo Needs a Hug, Frodo is precious, Frodo needs to sleep, Gen, Hobbits Being Assholes, Insomniac Frodo Baggins, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Out of Character, Out of Character Legolas Greenleaf, Post-Quest, Silly, bcuz i'm lazy duh :/, cuz that's what i feel rn, don't y'all just love it when you feel like tolkien is glowering on you from above, fight me, other relationships not mentioned - Freeform, technology and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-09-23 10:50:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 20,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20338912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathymee/pseuds/cathymee
Summary: Peregrin: welcome, my Lords, to this group chat!Frodo: I can smell the scent of seven people suffering.Peregrin: :<





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to hell, i guess.
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters and places mentioned in this fanfiction were made by Tolkien himself, and were merely borrowed for the sole purpose of entertainment. Y'all might not know what my real name is, but I can assure you that my surname isn't Tolkien. I only own the craziness.

_**Peregrin Took**_ **created this group**.

_** Peregrin Took**_ **added** _**Frodo Baggins**_, **_Samwise Gamgee_, _Meriadoc Brandybuck_, _Aragorn_, _Legolas Greenleaf_, _Gimli_, _Boromir_, and _Gandalf_ to this group.**

**_Peregrin Took_ named the group "_The Fellowship_**".

**Peregrin**

welcome, my lords, to this group chat!

**Frodo**

I can smell the scent of seven people suffering.

**Peregrin**

:<

**Samwise**

Make it six, Mr. Frodo.

You won't suffer as long as I'm here, sir. :)

**Meriadoc**

oh mY _gOD_

**Peregrin**

geT a roOm yoU tWo

**Meriadoc**

this is getting gayer

**Frodo**

Lads.

**Peregrin**

but anywaaays

here comes the important part

**Meriadoc**

@Frodo?

The honor is yours. :)

**Frodo**

Sweet

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Samwise_'s nickname to _urboy_**.

**Frodo**

Excuse my creativity.

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Peregrin_'s nickname to _second breakfast._**

**second breakfast**

oh mY gOD

thank you uwu

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Meriadoc_'s nickname to _brandybucket_.**

**brandybucket**

excuse me

you're talking to the future Master of Buckland

**Frodo**

And you're talking to the current Master of Bag End.

**urboy**

_oooooh_

**second breakfast**

** _apply athelas to the burnt area_ **

pls high-five me Frodo :<

**Frodo**

No.

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Aragorn_'s nickname to _rangerdanger_.**

**Frodo**

I mean

cmon

we all had trust issues when we met a hot, ragged but stinky ranger in Bree

**Legolas**

"but _stinky_"

aren't you a sassy little angel

**second breakfast**

_SAM_

**urboy**

sir?

**second breakfast**

_wink wink_

**Frodo**

shut up Pippin

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Legolas'_s nickname to _Prince of Mirkwood_**.

**Frodo**

Okay

wait

that's too formal

**_Frodo Baggins_ changed _Legolas_'s nickname from _Prince of Mirkwood_ to _sassybitch_.**

**sassybitch**

Seems about right

**brandybucket**

Give him his crown, you guys

**second breakfast**

The Queen has arrived

**Frodo**

one sassiest elf to rule them all

**Gandalf**:

@Frodo no

any references but that

**Frodo**

sheesh aren't people too sensitive

**urboy**

Mr. @Frodo

**Frodo**

okay okay fine

sorry

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Gimli_'s nickname to _Son of a Gloin_.**

**Frodo**

BECAUSE

LISTEN UP BITCHES

**second breakfast**

oh dear god

**Frodo**

NO PEREGRIN SHUT UP

GLOIN IS AWESOME

Y'ALL CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND

**Son of a Gloin**

???

I'm confused yet honored to be the son of someone you idolize, Master Baggins

**Frodo**

YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME TO HIS HOME BEFORE I LEAVE :<

**urboy**

"_before i leave_"?

Mr. @Frodo?

**Frodo**

oops

_fuck_

**brandybucket**

@Frodo??

**second breakfast**

Is there something you're not telling us?

**sassybitch**

leave?

**Son of a Gloin**

Umm??

**Gandalf**

_ehem_

okay wait no i didn't mean that

**brandybucket**

@Gandalf?

**Frodo**

_Gandalf_.

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Gandalf_'s nickname to _party wizard_.**

**second breakfast**

Frodooooo

**urboy**

Mr. @Frodo please open the door :<

**Frodo**

No Sam

Go home.

**urboy**

Mr. @Frodo

Please.

**_Frodo Baggins_ set _Boromir_'s nickname to _Boromier_.**

**urboy**

Let me in.

**brandybucket**

Frodo.

**second breakfast**

Frodoooo

**Frodo**

weeelp,

sleep time :)

byee

**_Frodo Baggins_ is offline.**

**_urboy_ is offline.**

**_brandybucket_ is offline.**

**_second breakfast_ is offline.**

**party wizard**

can i just

oh my Valar

**sassybitch**

what was that all about?

**Son of a Gloin**

@Gandalf you seriously know something

**rangerdanger**

Spill, @Gandalf.

**Boromier**

What's happening??

**_Gandalf _changed his own nickname from _party wizard_ to _Mithrandir_.**

**Mithrandir**:

okay you oblivious fuckers

hold on a second. 

* * *

**_Gandalf_ created this group**.

**_Gandalf_ names this group "_The Big People_**".

**_Gandalf_ added _Boromir_, _Aragorn_, _Legolas Greenleaf_, and _Gimli_.**

**Gandalf**

I appreciate the fact that you tried to pretend that you don't know what it was he was talking about just for the sake of Sam, Merry and Pippin, @Aragorn.

**Legolas**

My mind is being clouded with anxiousness over your words, Mithrandir.

Is Frodo fading?

**Gimli**

I cannot even try to ignore the fact that he sounded like it was the last thing he would do in his life.

**Boromir**

Can you just tell us?

**Aragorn**

Mithrandir, if you please.

**Gandalf**

I am trying to find the right words, gentlemen.

**Legolas**

Ah, but you do not need to do that.

We are not children, Mithrandir.

**Gandalf**

I suppose you are right, @Legolas.

Frodo is leaving.

**Gimli**

Yes we know that.

He'd said it.

But why?

**Gandalf**

Patience, my friend.

Have you heard about a place called 'Valinor'?

**Gimli**

Suppose not.

**Boromir**

Neither do I.

**Aragorn**

It is a place where Elves dwell when it is their time to leave this World.

**Legolas**

Yes.

When grief and depression consumes them, they set out to leave and find healing that this World cannot provide.

Do tell us, @Gandalf, how can Frodo go to the place where Elves can only enter?

**Aragorn**

Arwen.

**_Aragorn_ added _Arwen Undomiel_ to this group.**

**Arwen**

@Aragorn ?

Oh.

Greetings, gentlemen.

**Gimli**

Greetings, milady.

**Boromir**

Seconded.

**Legolas**

Thirded.

**Gandalf**

Fourded.

**Aragorn**

Please go back to the matter of dicussion.

**Arwen**

What 'matter of discussion'?

**Legolas**

Young Frodo Baggins.

**Arwen**

How fares he?

**Gandalf**

He seems to be doing quite well.

But he is far from okay.

He is right.

There are some wounds that would never truly heal.

**Arwen**

I am saddened to hear this, Mithrandir.

1 like = 1 prayer for Frodo

**Legolas**

This isn't a joke, Arwen.

please answer my question

**Gandalf**

@Arwen had given her spot to Frodo.

**Arwen**

Yes.

I had decided to stay here in this World instead of leaving with Ada.

It is already clear that Frodo had been too deeply scarred by the events of the Quest.

It is my thanks to him.

If he had not set out to Mordor and destroyed It, we would all have suffered.

The least I could do is to help him find healing.

**Boromir**

He does deserve it.

**_Arwen Undomiel_ added _Elrond Peredhel _to this group.**

**Aragorn**

If that is all settled, then maybe we could think of ways to help Frodo whilst he is still here?

**Legolas**

Good idea.

_ **"It's Hobbit, Bitch"** _

**brandyfuck**

okay @bagginshit, spill

**tick took**

@bagginshit i can see you thru the fucking window of the fucking study

**bagginshit**

PIPPIN

LANGUAGE YOU LITTLE TWIT

**loyalistic**

...

**bagginshit**

it's nothing, okay.

i was joking.

**loyalistic**

You sure about that, Mr. Frodo?

**bagginshit**

yes, sam.

okay hold on a second

pip, mer, where are you two?

**brandyfuck**

at your garden

**bagginshit**

what the _fuck_ are you doing there?

i thought you were in crickhollow?

**loyalistic**

begging your pardon, sir, but do you think they'll leave you alone after all the shit you handled, Mr. Frodo?

**bagginshit**

yes

okay get out of the garden you two

i'll open the door for you three dorks

**tick took**

you call us dorks but we're literally smoother when it comes to lasses

**brandyfuck**

pippin

**bagginshit**

on second thought, maybe not

**brandyfuck**

_FRODO_

**bagginshit**

just kidding hold on jeeeez

_ **"Secret Trio"** _

**lil angel**

I messed up, didn't I?

**queen**

No.

**king**

No.

**queen**

I do believe now is the right time to spill it out, Frodo.

**lil angel**

I _want_ to

I really want to speak about it

but i just?? can't??

**king**

Why?

**lil angel**

I don't know really.

Every time I want to say it there would always be this lump in my throat and I end up choking it all up again.

it's so hard

**queen**

Frodo

deep breaths.

the Evenstar, remember?

**lil angel**

yes.

Thank you, milady.

**queen**

You're always welcome, Frodo. There is no need to adress me formally, dear.

**lil angel**

yes. sorry. i forgot

**king**

I think you should clear your mind before speaking about it, Frodo. But we are not forcing you to say it soon.

**lil angel**

right

thank you, both of you.

**queen**

Go to sleep, Frodo. It is already midnight.

**lil angel**

okiokii.

tomorrow, then?

**king**

if you want. :)

**lil angel**

good night :))

**king**

good night, mellon-nin.

**queen**

good night, little one.

**_lil angel_ is offline.**

**_queen_ is offline.**

**_king_ is offline.**


	2. Spider Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you got bitten by a spider, then you'll have powers...right? At least Frodo thinks so.

**Frodo**

@Mithrandir

if a spider bit me, then that's supposed to give me powers, right?

**rangerdanger**

@Frodo what the fuck

**sassybitch**

i

frodo

_it's 2 am_

**Son of a Gloin**

that's??

not how it works

**Frodo**

well, that's how it's _supposed_ to work

u don't just suffer for nothin

**Mithrandir**

my white hairs are starting to get grey exactly this 2:34 AM

**Frodo**

:)

**Boromier**

@Frodo i am deeply concerned

but that's actually something to ponder

**rangerdanger**

@Boromier no

**sassybitch**

@Boromier no

**Son of a Gloin**

@Boromier no

**Frodo**

@Boromier YES

god u guys are so mean

**Mithrandir**

@Frodo if i count to three and you're still online i swear to Valar

**Frodo**

@Mithrandir

ha

no u don't

**Mithrandir**

_one_

**Frodo**

okay okay sheesh

**_Frodo_ is offline.**

**Mithrandir**

Good.

**Frodo**

_sike_

**Mithrandir**

@Frodo.

**Frodo**

i got backups mr. white wizard

**brandybucket**

eyoooo

**second breakfast**

eyoooond

**urboy**

i

i don't know how i get dragged into this

honest, sirs

**Mithrandir**

@Frodo

look at this

**_Mithrandir_ added _Bilbo Baggins_ to this group.**

**_Mithrandir_ added _Elrond Peredhel_ to this group.**

**Mithrandir**:

backup? more like backdon't

**rangerdanger**

what??

**sassybitch**

oh my god @Mithrandir

you could do better than that

**Bilbo**

What is happening?

**Frodo**

is??

is this the real @Bilbo?

no

that can't be

he's too frigging _old_ to handle his account.

try again @Mithrandir

**Bilbo**

what? the fuck?

@Frodo my lad

_too **old**_?

**Frodo**

_ **say sike right now** _

**Elrond**

I would be demanding some answers, Master Baggins.

**Frodo**

and

**second breakfast**

i

**Boromier**

oop

**brandybucket**

oop

@Boromier _WHAT_

**Frodo**

you

** second breakfast **

never

**urboy**

played

**Frodo**

Tuber Simulator?

**urboy**

_pssh_

**Frodo**

you know it's fun

**urboy**

right?

i'm not supposed to give my opinion

but

**Frodo**

give it a try.

and tell me if it's good or not.

**urboy**

still not convinced yet?

**rangerdanger**

can everyone just _stop_

**Frodo**

_ **yOU BeTTeR stAph** _

**rangerdanger**

what did i do to deserve this.

**brandybucket**

nonono shut up

oh my god @Boromier

you speak the same language?

**Son of a Gloin**

uh?

Westron?

**second breakfast**

no u uncultured swine

**Frodo**

*ehem

the language of _memes_

**Elrond**

_ **ENOUGH** _

**Frodo**

okay.

**_Frodo_ is offline.**

**sassybitch**

told y'all he's a sassy angel

**_second breakfast_ is offline.**

**_brandybucket_ is offline.**

**_urboy_ is offline.**

**_Boromier_ is offline.**

**Elrond**

just

what.

**rangerdanger**

is it okay to facepalm rn.

**sassybitch**

yes.

**Mithrandir**

beyond okay

**_Son of a Gloin_ is offline.**

**sassybitch**

did Gimli just escaped

**Bilbo**

i still don't understand

**Mithrandir**

neither do we.

**Elrond**

I cannot be a part of this.

**sassybitch**

let's see

u put us together and named us the _Fellowship_

ur our counselor 

u started this

then _**suffer with us**_

**rangerdanger**

oops

_ **"It's Hobbits, Bitches"** _

**bagginshit**

it is decided then.

we will proceed to do what we've been thinking earlier after what we'd witnessed.

**_bagginshit_ added _Boromir_ to this group.**

**Boromir**

what

**tick took**

WELCOME

**brandyfuck**

u are now a part of our very very secret organization

**loyalistic**

_very very secret_

**bagginshit**

yes.

**Boromir**

i??

i feel scared and honored at the same time

**bagginshit**

don't worry we're actually nicer here :)

**Boromir**

look, frodo

i never got the chance to apologize

**bagginshit**

about what?

**Boromir**

about

_you know_

**bagginshit**

oh

_that_

**Boromir**

it's okay if you don't forgive me, really

**bagginshit**

oh shut up

that's in the past

we should just focus on the present, y'know. :)

**Boromir**

thank you

and also to you three

**loyalistic**

we've already forgiven you, sir.

we understand what happened.

**tick took**

apology accepted. :)

**brandyfuck**

you already know my answer. :)

NOW EVERYONE _**SHUT UP**_

this is a _VERY CRUCIAL MOMENT_

@Boromir

loyalistic

u

**bagginshit**

shalt

**tick took**

be

**bagginshit**

given a very honorable nickname. :)

**Boromir**

by whom?

**bagginshit**

by urself lol

**Boromir**

oh

**_Boromir_ set his own nickname to _cucumbor_.**

**bagginshit**

_EVERYONE ARISE AND HONOR THE NEWEST MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY_

pip don't smash a fucking plate i swear to god

**tick took**

wasn't going to.

...

or _am I_?

**_bagginshit_ is offline.**

**tick took**

uh-oh

gotta blast

**brandyfuck**

enjoy sleeping at the bed of cabbages.

**loyalistic**

please no

don't lay down on the cabbages

Mr. Frodo's going to kill me, he would

or you

or we'll both get killed

or I'll kill you

**tick took**

help me

_PLEASE _

_ **OH MY GOD** _

_ **MERRY SAM I PLEANSHHBkwoheghdhjs** _

**brandyfuck**

umm

**cucumbor**

what's happening

**loyalistic**

um...some ptsd-induced punishment?

**tick took**

@brandyfuck hi, this is your cousin Frodo. :)

u might want to say goodbye to our dear cousin for a while.

**cucumbor**

um

_yEet_

**brandyfuck**

@cucumbor ohmygod seriously i hope you're a hobbit irl

**cucumbor**

maybe.

yall never know.

**tick took**

wELP

**_tick took_ is offline.**

**cucumbor**

should we do something?

**loyalistic**

hahaha

no.

just no.

**brandyfuck**

_ hA_

but tbh i'm kinda scared, too.

**cucumbor**

oh, okay

**brandyfuck**

but don't worry

we'll still see him tomorrow.

**cucumbor**

both of them?

**brandyfuck**

yes lol

**cucumbor**

in the meanwhile

i have to explain something

**_loyalistic_ is offline.**

**cucumbor**

um??

rude??

**brandyfuck**

nah he'll just make sure none of them died.

but srsly tho

you have to explain how you came across the meme language

**cucumbor**

*_clears throat_


	3. Frodo's Fiancé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew Frodo had so many fiancés? They certainly don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, it's been a week since i added a new chapter.
> 
> it's because internet sucks. period.
> 
> btw enjoy! thank you so much for the kudos!! :)

**Frodo**

It has come to my attention that there is something wrong

**rangerdanger**

um??

what??

**Frodo**

i haven't changed my nickname.

**sassybitch**

oh

i mean

i could've told you

**Frodo**

nonono

that's alright

just

**_Frodo Baggins_ changed his own nickname to _wringwrearer_. **

**Elrond**

um??

**wringwrearer**

get it? wringwrearer?

cuz i almost became a ring wraith and i'm also the ring bearer?

**Elrond**

...

I'm.

Your coping mechanism is unhealthy.

**wringwrearer**

lmao

**sassybitch**

no

that's actually so cute

**rangerdanger**

legolas

seriously?

**sassybitch**

_i was telling the truth, bitch_

**wringwrearer**

okay wait if Lord Elrond and Bilbo can stay here then that means we can add other people, right?

**rangerdanger**

_god no_

**wringwrearer**

hey @second breakfast

what say you?

**second breakfast**

perfectly fine, based on my rules

wait

actually i never made any rules so

just don't add any assholes

**wringwrearer**

okii

**second breakfast**

you actually _already_ added an asshole

wait, _i_ was the one who added the asshole

**sassybitch**

who?

**second breakfast**

@rangerdanger

**rangerdanger**

oh come on i'm a _super_ nice guy

**wringwrearer**

@second breakfast stop

_wink wink_

**rangerdanger**

how many sufferings do i have to endure.

**_sassybitch_ added _Thranduil_ to this group.**

**sassybitch**

y'all messing with my idiot.

**_wringwrearer_ added _Arwen Undomiel_ to this group. **

**wringwrearer**

your idiot uwu

**Arwen**

uwu

**sassybitch**

back off

Aragorn is mine

**Arwen**

we're already married

nevermind I'm engaged to Frodo now.

**rangerdanger**

Arwen that's not funny

**Arwen**

but it's true

**wringwrearer**

i'm sorry i'm pretty sure i'm engaged to Gloin

**Son of a Gloin**

super uncomfortable but okay, mom.

**wringwrearer**

uwu my son is a dwarf

**Bilbo**

does that mean that i had an adventure with my nephew's husband?

**wringwrearer**

heck yes

**urboy**

Mr. Frodo :(

**wringwrearer**

Sam we're divorced

**urboy**

:(

**brandybucket**

@wringwrearer i'm supposed to marry you

**wringwrearer**

last time i checked you're on my ex-list

actually, no, not at my ex-list

your name had been transferred to my murder list.

**brandybucket**

sam we need to start a club for people who had been rejected by Frodo :(

**urboy**

aye

* * *

**second breakfast**

so @wringwrearer

Merry, Sam and I had a game of rock paper and scissors

and i won

sooo i'm going to marry you

**sassybitch **

i'm not even invited :(

**wringwrearer**

well i'm sorry but i'm now officially engaged to a certain Took

gimli, my son, i'm disowning you

**Son of a Gloin**

:(

**wringwrearer**

sorry @Bilbo but I'm now Frodo Took :)

**Arwen**

yey :)

**second breakfast**

i'm super happy :))))

i've never been happy like this before

**wringwrearer**

i love my tall fiancé

**brandybucket**

i'm literally taller how the fuck

** wringwrearer**

i'm sorry, Merry

it's just how it is

**second breakfast**

listen, i know this isn't real but being engaged to Frodo seems fun

i feel like the luckiest hobbit alive :)))

**wringwrearer**

touché, pip

i love you too

* * *

**wringwrearer**

important question

**Elrond**

?

**wringwrearer**

so when I wore the Ring does that mean I was engaged to Sauron, then?

**Mithrandir**

what.

**rangerdanger**

frodo just no.

**urboy**

um

**sassybitch**

_kakihbsopqlbbdksi_ _**hypothesis**_

**Mithrandir**

@sassybitch don't encourage this

**wringwrearer **

imagine

I'm engaged to an _eyeball_.

**second breakfast**

_was_

**wringwrearer**

sorry pippin

i have to ditch you for a while

looks like i have a much taller husband, then.

**Mithrandir**

Frodo just stop

**wringwrearer**

@sassybitch they don't

they just don't :(

** sassybitch **

_ **back off, fuckers** _

**Elrond**

can

oh my Valar

**wringwrearer**

one of the days where you ask yourself why you're still alive, amirite

**_wringwrearer_ changed _Arwen_'s nickname to _Queen_.**

**Elrond**

because I'm an Elf?

**wringwrearer**

i can't sleep so pardon me

**Elrond**

you do know that i gave you an elixir for your sleeping problems, had I not?

**wringwrearer**

um??

**urboy**

he mistook it for a cold tea and dumped it.

**Elrond**

_what_?

**wringwrearer**

_accidentally_

**urboy**

begging your pardon but it's not an accident, you old ass

u know it

**wringwrearer**

sam lad :(

**urboy**

_sleep_

**second breakfast**

stop

you can't treat my fiance like that >:(

**urboy**

>:(

**wringwrearer**

umm

goodnight everyone

i guess

**sassybitch**

it's?? 1 PM??

**wringwrearer**

shush

**_wringwrearer_ is offline.**

* * *

**wringwrearer**

why is Samwise Gamgee so scary when he's angry like

idk

he's like a very scary parent

**urboy**

because i _am_ your parent

**second breakfast**

then that means i'm still your fiancé :)

**brandybucket**

wait, Sam's your parent?

oh so that's why you call him Daddy

**_wringwrearer_ is offline.**

**brandybucket**

oh shit

**_urboy_ is offline.**

** brandybucket **

oh double shit

**second breakfast**

good luck

**brandybucket**

you little shit

**Bilbo**

that's the most inappropriate joke I've ever heard from you, Meriadoc.

**brandybucket**

please, Bilbo.

i'm already suffering here :(

**second breakfast**

they haven't even arrived yet u fucker

**Bilbo**

language, young man

**second breakfast**

i'm not a young man anymore

i'm engaged to your nephew

**brandybucket**

**cAN SOMEONE PLEASE _SAVE ME_**

**Bilbo**

no.

**second breakfast**

no.

**rangerdanger**

No.

**sassybitch**

no.

**Son of a Gloin**

no

**Boromier**

sorry, but no

**Elrond**

absolutely not

**Queen**

i wish i could.

**Thranduil**

i've never met you but it's already a no.

* * *

**brandybucket**

why is the world so cruel

**wringwrearer**

because?? it is?

**brandybucket**

but okay if i'm going to die right now or tomorrow

i want everyone to know

**wringwrearer**

merry, no.

**brandybucket**

that frodo once kissed pearl took when he was a tween

**wringwrearer**

merry what the actual fuck you little crap

**second breakfast**

but they don't know pearl so what's the matter?

**wringwrearer**

excuse me??

you kept on talking about your family tree during the quest and of course everyone knows who Pearl is

oh god

i just kissed my fiancé's sister

**lIfE iS crAzY**

**brandybucket**

it's the truth

**wringwrearer**

come here u little shit

**brandybucket**

My time has come.

**Mithrandir**

goodbye, my dear hobbit.

**wringwrearer**

but seriously tho sam is already preparing elevenses get inside

**second breakfast**

yes sir.

* * *

**Thranduil**

okay so what's the real deal here

**urboy**

umm

**wringwrearer**

idk

**sassybitch**

idk either

**Thranduil**

wow.

**wringwrearer**

wow indeed.

welcome, btw. :)

**Thranduil**

...thanks.

Okay, important question.

Am I actually safe here?

**wringwrearer**

of course you are. :)

and you're always welcome to send death threats, if you want to.

**Thranduil**

sweet :)

**second breakfast**

I'm Peregrin Took, Frodo's fiancé. :)

**Thranduil**

um... okay...?

**brandybucket**

I'm Merry :)

**urboy**

I'm Samwise Gamgee, sir. Mr. Frodo's gardener.

**wringwrearer**

my actual husband.

at least for a few months.

btw, I'm Frodo Baggins, at your service and your family's.

**Thranduil**

It is an honor to meet the Saviour of Middle-Earth.

**wringwrearer**

oh my god stop being formal.

i just carried the Ring and that's it.

**urboy**

lol no

you destroyed it like a boss

**wringwrearer**

sam you know damn well what happened

**rangerdanger**

we all know damn well what happened

**Thranduil**

_what the fuck_ damn well happened?

**rangerdanger**

he destroyed the ring and saved middle-earth

**sassybitch**

like a boss

**wringwrearer**

can people stop twisting the story

i didn't destroy it

**Thranduil**

then?

if it wasn't for you the middle-earth would still suffer right now

during your quest, Mirkwood was under attack by Orcs.

we thought we would fail 'cause there's literally so many of them.

then there you were

you carried the Ring and entered Mt. Doom and destroyed it

looks like a hero to me

**rangerdanger**

dude

ur so inspirational like

u can be Frodo's therapist and ram this in his head whenever he kept on insisting that he failed.

**wringwrearer**

okay yeah sure

let's say i did carry the Burden

but i'm telling the truth

Gollum was the one who destroyed it

**Thranduil**

you were labeled the "Ring-Bearer", not the "Ring-Destroyer"

the Valar planned for you to bear the Ring

and perhaps for this Gollum creature to destroy it

**wringwrearer**

yeah but the Valar didn't plan for me to be consumed by Its power.

**Boromier**

frodo u know how powerful the Ring is

**wringwrearer**

but you're a man and I'm a hobbit

hobbits shouldn't be consumed by It because hobbits are supposed to be the one who's capable to be strong and ignore the power

**Bilbo**

lad, please

**wringwrearer**

no, Bilbo

you had it for years

decades, even

and you managed to let go of it relatively easy enough

**Bilbo**

I let go of it in Bag End

you were in Mt. Doom, literally where it was made

**wringwrearer**

yeah, well

Sam lend it to me without a fuss in Cirith Ungol

**urboy**

begging your pardon sir

but you've had it for seventeen years whilst Mr. Gandalf said that Sauron's powers were growing and I only held it for hours.

Strider said that Isildur also held it only for, like, minutes or something.

**wringwrearer**

Isildur is a man, Sam

**Elrond**

that's not the point, Mr. Baggins.

the point is, whoever held It would still be consumed by Its evilness.

but you had done an extraordinary performance by resisting It for too long than I thought was possible for any creature.

**Queen**

just accept the fact, Frodo.

you are a hero

**wringwrearer**

fine

**Mithrandir**

that is settled, then

**Thranduil**

oh my god

i can actually be a therapist

**wringwrearer**

thank you, King @Thranduil

**Thranduil**

drop the "King" thing, would ya.

**wringwrearer**

sorry for the drama.

this gc isn't supposed to be for my bullcraps and shit.

**second breakfast**

oh shut up

i knew this day would come

i made this gc for you

** brandybucket**

you're allowing yourself to suffer alone

you always forget that we're still here

**wringwrearer**

thanks, you guys

**_wringwrearer_ changed _Thranduil_'s nickname to _Prettiest_. **

**sassybitch**

:0

are you telling me that he's _prettier_ than me?

**second breakfast**

someone is prettier than Legolas?

***_surprised Pikachu face_***

**wringwrearer**

maybe.

@Bilbo told me that he is.

and he had seen you both. soooo

**Bilbo**

i'm sorry?

but seriously the eyebrows are better than yours.

**wringwrearer**

Uncle Bilbo never lies. :)

**Mithrandir**

uhuh

**wringwrearer**

unless he's in a dire situation :)

**_Bilbo_ changed his own nickname to _Bimbo_.**

**second breakfast**

_ah, yes._

**wringwrearer**

***_nodding intensifies_***

**urboy**

my first hero :)

**brandybucket**

guess who's back

**Boromier**

back again

* * *

**sassybitch**

well this isn't the Fellowship anymore soo

**_sassybitch_ changed the name of the group to "_FaBuPouS_". **

**wringwrearer**

what?? the fucc??

**sassybitch**

Frodo Baggins Protection Squad, but with mixed creativity

**wringwrearer**

that should just be FBPS if it's what it stands for, Mr. Greenleaf MoonMoon

**sassybitch**

that's why i said "but with mixed creativity" Mr. Pearl Baggins

**wringwrearer**

that doesn't even make any sense Mr. Elveshit

**Queen**

why am I loving this argument

**second breakfast**

because you should.

go, my fiancé :)

**sassybitch**

you're lucky i never treated you like shit like what @rangerdanger did.

**rangerdanger**

_what the fuck_

i'm being quiet here

**wringwrearer**

okay we're friends again @sassybitch

**sassybitch**

that's how you get your bestie back :)

* * *

** wringwrearer**

okay so "FaBuPouS" means like "fabulous", right?

then do it right you fucking donkey

**Boromier**

wow.

you're

**Elrond**

intense

**second breakfast**

and that's why watching Gordon Ramsay is the best coping mechanism.

**wringwrearer**

and that's a fact

**urboy**

**mr. _frodo_ _sir_**

**wringwrearer**

_oops_

bye, gays

**sassybitch**

_gays_

**wringwrearer**

i'm supposed to say "guys" but that also works

**brandybucket**

are you gay, then?

**wringwrearer**

hey, Merry

I kissed Pippin's sister.

**_wringwrearer_ is offline.**


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arwen and Thranduil are bad at keeping promises.

**wringwrearer**

therapy is so expensive

but consoling yourself and saying "_it'll be like that sometimes_" is free.

**urboy**

...yes

**Mithrandir**

how are you always still awake at 3 AM

**wringwrearer**

idk, how are _you_ always still awake at 3 AM?

**second breakfast**

this is why I love my fiancé

**wringwrearer**

aww i love you too pip :)

**urboy**

why does Mr. Frodo look so surprised?

**wringwrearer**

1.) i don't hear "i love you" often, please let me adjust

2.) there's 20 mugs of tea here in the kitchen

3.) i don't know why is there a 20 mugs of tea in the kitchen

4.) i want to kill the person who had set 20 mugs of tea in the kitchen

**second breakfast**

you could've made it 5

your list could've been perfect and satisfying

**wringwrearer**

pip i only have four fingers relax

**second breakfast**

wait

i don't mean it like that

**wringwrearer**

wait nononono

i was just joking pip

**brandybucket**

hold up

twenty mugs?

_ **it's free real estate** _

**_brandybucket_ is offline.**

**wringwrearer**

sam i need back-up

lock the back door

pip lock the front door

i beg

** urboy**

aye

**second breakfast**

on it

**wringwrearer**

free real estate my ass @brandybucket

**_wringwrearer_ is offline.**

**_urboy_ is offline.**

**_second breakfast_ is offline.**

* * *

**rangerdanger**

it's October 6th

**wringwrearer**

yes.

**Elrond**

are you not in any pain?

**wringwrearer**

no?

**rangerdanger**

_uhuh_

**wringwrearer**

okay yeah

my left arm is a little cold

and the wound throbs but that's it.

so there's nothing wrong

**Elrond**

_uhuh_

**wringwrearer**

honest.

**Queen**

uhuh

**wringwrearer**

stop bullying me :(

* * *

(**Private Message— Arwen and Frodo**)

**Undomeow**

Frodo

**Shirebag**

Yes?

**Undomeow**

spill.

**Shirebag**

okay

but in one condition

don't tell anyone

especially Aragorn

please

**Undomeow**

okay okay just

Just be honest

**Shirebag **

it's painful

my left arm is cold and numb

but the fingers are still working thankfully

and my shoulder _hurts_

and I'm locked up in the Study

**Undomeow**

why are you there?

**Shirebag**

There's a window in my room that was directed to the garden

and yeah you kinda get the idea

Sam's there and i can't tell anyone

** Undomeow**

Frodo

Clutch the Evenstar, okay?

**Shirebag**

yeah

already am

i'm sorry

**Undomeow**

no no no don't say sorry

just hold on, alright?

Are you sure you don't want to rest?

**Shirebag**

no

i guess

i don't know

**Undomeow**

okay okay

just relax

talk to me, okay?

**Shirebag**

i'll try

**Undomeow**

okay

do you know what happened to Estel when he was a kid?

**Shirebag**

no?

**Undomeow**

fasten your seatbelt, tithen min

* * *

"**The Big People**"

**Arwen**

okay

so he said that i shouldn't tell anyone

especially @Aragorn

**Aragorn**

what is up with everyone hating me rn

**Arwen**

shut up

Frodo's in pain

he doesn't want to tell Sam and the others and I respect that decision

so what should we do?

**Legolas**

by "he said that i shouldn't tell anyone" you meant "you have to promise that you won't tell anyone", right?

**Arwen**

well

yes

but it's for him

it does kinda made me feel guilty.

**Aragorn**

shush, love

you did the right thing.

we'll figure it out.

**_Aragorn_ is offline.**

**_Elrond_ is offline.**

**_Gandalf_ is offline.**

* * *

**wringwrearer**

it's Wednesday my dudes

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAH_

**sassybitch**

mood.

**wringwrearer**

okay so @rangerdanger

do you remember what we did in Rivendell?

**rangerdanger**

yes.

**wringwrearer**

Sam won't toss me :(

**sassybitch**

why the fuck would Sam even toss you

**wringwrearer**

it's tradition, alright

@rangerdanger always toss me whenever it's October 7th for absolutely no reason at all

hey

i had found a new friend

**_wringwrearer_ added _Galadriel_ to this group.**

**Galadriel**

:)

**wringwrearer**

:)

**rangerdanger**

:)

**sassybitch**

:)

**Mithrandir**

please spare Her from all of this chaos.

**wringwrearer**

never.

the people that has crossed our path would suffer :)

**sassybitch**

looks like someone's having their sadistic episode

**wringwrearer**

looks like someone's having their assholery episode

**Galadriel**

such sass.

**wringwrearer**

ohmygodohmygod she called me sassy

@second breakfast we can finally get married

**_wringwrearer_ changed _Galadriel_'s nickname to _Woody_. **

**wringwrearer**

sorry my mind is a literal puddle sooo

**Woody**

tis alright.

* * *

**Bimbo**

have you ever just found strange, random things that made you remember your adventure?

**wringwrearer**

i guess

**Son of a Gloin**

yes

** second breakfast **

yes

**Bimbo**

stfu i'm sharing a story right here

**wringwrearer**

you go, Uncle

**Bimbo**

okay so

* * *

**_Legolas_ created this group.**

**_Legolas_ added _Bilbo Baggins_, _Aragorn_, _Gandalf_, _Galadriel_, _Elrond Peredhel_, _Arwen Undomiel_, _Samwise Gamgee_, _Peregrin Took_, _Meriadoc Brandybuck_, _Boromir_, _Gimli_, and _Thranduil_.**

**Legolas**

listen up bitches

i'm worried

yesterday was October 6th and he didn't even confessed about the _thing_

**Aragorn**

He's alright @Legolas

**Meriadoc**

that's bullshit

we all know he's not okay

**Aragorn**

well yes.

okay, i'm sorry.

**Peregrin**

okay Frodo isn't here

what's this for?

**Aragorn**

For Frodo.

**Gandalf**

_ha ha ha._

very funny, Elassar.

**Legolas**

let's just promise that everything in here would be secret, aye?

**Gimli**

promise.

**Elrond**

promise.

**Gandalf**

promise.

**Bilbo**

promise.

**Thranduil**

promise

**Galadriel**

Promise.

**Arwen**

I promise.

**Peregrin**

Promise.

**Meriadoc**

Promise

**Samwise**

no.

**Aragorn**

promise

**Legolas**

@Samwise what's wrong?

**Samwise**

it wouldn't be fair for Mr. Frodo

We can't just talk about him behind his back

he'd already have some people talking foul about him here in the Shire

he doesn't need more

I'm not gonna do this.

**_Samwise Gamgee_ left the group.**

**_Legolas Greenleaf_ added _Samwise Gamgee_ to this group**.

**Legolas**

Sam, please listen.

We're doing this for his own benefit.

We want to help.

I beg of you to at least just promise that all of what we would be talking about here would remain only here, at least for now.

**Samwise**

i mean if it's for Mr. Frodo then fine.

But only because it's for Mr. Frodo.

**Legolas**

thank you.

**Boromir**

I promise as well.

**Thranduil**

okay so what's the _thing_?

**Legolas**

nobody told you?

it's the _thing_.

**Thranduil**

If this is how you would impersonate Mithrandir, then I am loathe to tell you that you're failing miserably.

Now what the fuck is the_ thing_?

**Legolas**

you sure you're ready for this?

**Thranduil**

god my son is dramatic

** Legolas**

Frodo had been pierced by the Morgul blade.

* * *

**wringwrearer**

Kili is strangely handsome

BUT LIKE

why.

WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DIE.

**Prettiest**

hey @wringwrearer

how's your wound?

**wringwrearer**

um?

excuse me?

what wound?

who told you about wounds?

**Prettiest**

doesn't matter

just how are you?

**wringwrearer**

um?

fine?

* * *

** Legolas**

@Thranduil what the fuck dude

**Thranduil**

_I was worried_

_am I not allowed to be **fucking** worried_

* * *

**wringwrearer**

what's up with my wound?

**Thranduil**

it's a Morgul wound

**_wringwrearer_ changed_ Thranduil_'s nickname from _Prettiest_ to _Captain Obvious_.**

**Captain Obvious**

you just

you're telling me that you just went out and carried the Ring and go to fucking Mordor where Nazguls literally resided

**Boromier**

@Captain Obvious he walked, btw.

He walked to Mordor.

**Bimbo**

made me fucking proud :)

**rangerdanger**

stop the "walking to Mordor" references it's making me traumatized than the actual species that had crossed the land

**urboy**

but??

you also went to Mordor??

**wringwrearer**

wtf is happening it's 6 o'clock in the fucking morning of October 7th what do y'all want from me

**urboy**

alright, everyone out.

Mr. Frodo's cracking.

**_rangerdanger_ is offline.**

**_Boromier_ is offline.**

**Captain Obvious**

i need explanations

**_Captain Obvious_ is offline.**

**wringwrearer**

dude as if _i _know a lot of things

**second breakfast**

to be fair, you do know a lot of things

**wringwrearer**

pip i want a divorce

** brandybucket**

he said nothing offensive wtf?

not that i'm complaining

please marry me next :)

**urboy**

no one's marrying Mr. Frodo

**brandybucket**

except for me :)

or you

**urboy**

_especially_ not _you_

**brandybucket**

still hurts _cough cough_

**wringwrearer**

he's married to Rosie u fucker

meanwhile i feel like pip is going to be married to a certain lass named Diamond amirite

_wink wink_

**second breakfast**

maybe.

which means it's not sure yet.

so you're still my fiancé. :)

**wringwrearer**

fair enough.


	5. Woody Snaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some says that Galadriel has a second personality— welp, at least Frodo knows now.

**_Queen_ added _Eowyn_ to this group.**

**_Queen_ changed _Eowyn_'s nickname to _shitmaiden_.**

**Queen**

based on her request don't @ me

**shitmaiden**

:D

**second breakfast**

hey @rangerdanger

**brandybucket**

look at this.

**sassybitch**

*_coughs in Sindarin_

**Son of a Gloin**

_mY shIp MiGHT bE SaiLiNG_

**wringwrearer**

son, behave

**Son of a Gloin**

um??

you disowned me??

**second breakfast**

hey

show your mom some respect

** wringwrearer **

uwu hello @shitmaiden

**shitmaiden**

Hello, Frodo

and hello strangers that was once on my side but my mind totally forgot whose names belong to whom

**wringwrearer**

uwu the real bitch kwen is back

**shitmaiden**

not really

but _kneel fuckers_

**second breakfast**

hol up

where's Faramir?

**shitmaiden**

in Gondor

am still in Gondor, too

Errands and stuff

**sassybitch**

_and stuff_

**wringwrearer**

stuffs like what?

**shitmaiden**

stuffs like preparing to murder certain people

like an Elf, maybe

or a Dwarf

**wringwrearer**

please don't kill my son

** shitmaiden **

okay

i'll just kill the Elf then.

**Queen**

uwu

**sassybitch**

oh shit.

**brandybucket**

this Queen killed the Witch King :)

**shitmaiden**

this Hobbit made sure I could kill the Witch King :)

**urboy**

ooh that tale

**shitmaiden**

yes, Sam.

**urboy**

you guys were amazing back there, if you would let me say so

**shitmaiden**

uwu thank you

please rub that all over @sassybitch 's flawless face

**urboy**

gladly

* * *

**sassybitch**

Sam I killed an oliphaunt single-handedly how could you prefer her over me :(

**urboy**

**yOU DiD _whAt_**

**wringwrearer**

*_wheezes in Quenya_

**urboy**

that's it mr. elf

never speak to me ever again

**sassybitch**

sam :(

**wringwrearer**

so much for trying to impress sam

**sassybitch**

shuthefckup Frodo

**urboy**

_ **never talk to Mr. Frodo like that** _

**wringwrearer**

sorry i just can't this is too hilarious

**brandybucket**

i wish i have the Japanese emoji keyboard

this is too much lmao

**second breakfast**

fs in the chat for mr. elf, boiz

**urboy**

but in all seriousness

i don't prefer Mr. Legolas or Lady Eowyn

cuz in the end i'll still choose Mr. Frodo above anything else

well, cept for my family, but that's a whole different thing, if you get my meaning

**wringwrearer**

oh Sam :)

**urboy**

yes, Mr. Frodo :)

**second breakfast**

god, this is too emotional i'm ready to cry

**brandybucket**

brotherly affections for the win :D

**shitmaiden**

wholesome as fuck :)

**sassybitch**

hooray for friendship :)

**wringwrearer**

such a creative way to say you love me, Sam. :)

**urboy**

that's not really the way of saying just "i love you", Mr. Frodo

not that i don't love you, if you get my meaning

it's just

it says a lot more than just that

**wringwrearer**

yes, i do get it, sam.

there's no need to explain further.

**urboy**

begging your pardon but i want to say it officially so

I love you, Frodo Baggins.

**wringwrearer**

I love you, too, Samwise Gamgee.

**Bimbo**

:')

* * *

**urboy**

okay so

Mr. Frodo's so good with children

but he doesn't want children

**brandybucket**

activate OFFSL

**wringwrearer**

no none of that

I'm a proud bachelor thank you very much

**Bimbo**

m'boy

**wringwrearer**

uhh

skinny penis

* * *

**wringwrearer**

somebody once told me

**Mithrandir**

_ **it's fucking 3 AM why the fuck is he awake** _

_ _

**wringwrearer**

the Ring is gonna roll me

**rangerdanger**

what is this new devilry

**wringwrearer**

i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

**sassybitch**

okay who the absolute _fuck_ said that Frodo's a tool

**wringwrearer**

absolutely no one

sheesh it's just a joke mr. moonmoon

anyways

i was looking kinda dumb whilst the Ring rest on my palm

and ringwraiths in the shape of dementors

**rangerdanger**

that's actually horrible

**sassybitch**

nice Harry Potter reference

keep it up, honey

**wringwrearer**

well

they don't stop coming while my shoulder's throbbing

on Asfaloth's back and i hit the ground yellin

"you shan't have the Ring or my smol body"

**second breakfast**

excuse me?

**wringwrearer**

because i'm smol?

**brandybucket**

*adorably smol

**wringwrearer**

merry just because you've became taller doesn't mean you can do me like that :(

**brandybucket**

you were the one who said that you're smol why the frick are you upset with me and my tolness

**wringwrearer**

:(

the flood comes up and i almost flee

so much to do so much to see so much talk whilst I'm slowly dying

**brandybucket**

that just took a dark turn please stop.

**wringwrearer**

_oof_

**sassybitch**

ey ey ey kids

**second breakfast**

_ **PATRICIA** _

**Mithrandir**

someone stop them

**wringwrearer**

_never_

**sassybitch**

[Tight Pants](https://youtu.be/J1c2KzJbcGA)

**wringwrearer**

that video brought a tear to my eye

**sassybitch**

look at the elves, tho

**wringwrearer**

i was already wearing tight pants

**sassybitch**

i just didn't **a**_c**t**i_**v_a_t_e_** them

**second breakfast**

ey isn't that the woman from Shrek

**Elrond**

one of these days i feel like i want to place a sleeping spell on everybody in this gc

**wringwrearer**

all jokes aside that would actually be cool

**Elrond**

_especially on you._

**wringwrearer**

actively shutting my body down now

tata

**_wringwrearer_ is offline.**

* * *

"_**Secret Trio**_"

**lil angel**

ey guys

so i never actually told you anything

i forgot to say sooo

here's a v. interesting thing that happened to me recently

**king**

go ahead

**lil angel**

so you see

i've been having dreams v. frequently

**queen**

and?

**lil angel**

and in those dreams, the year was 5019 (in SR, so it's probably like 2019 in GR)

and of course we don't exist anymore

**king**

holy

isn't that like, the Fifth Age or something?

**lil angel**

probably

idk

**king**

okay go on

**lil angel**

there are billions of men.

**queen**

what happened to the other species?

**lil angel**

i'm not sure.

i mean, Orcs probably still exists today

**king**

ye, we're narrowing them down

**lil angel**

they probably all died

Elves no longer exists cuz i think Legolas or @queen would be the last Elves to roam Middle Earth after we left

and you'll probably still leave with him anyway

so yeah they're all at the Undying Lands

**queen**

it's not even devastating...

just the fact that @king wouldn't be there is depressing.

**lil angel**

at least you guys would still have years to remain

anyways

the Dwarves...

Gimli's the last one, I guess.

I'm pretty sure Eru would give him permission to enter the Undying Lands as long as Legolas is there.

**king**

If he's able to persuade Haldir, then, yeah

**lil angel**

hobbits still exists, thankfully

still hidden in some part of the World

men does not know of their existence, and everything seems fine for them.

Yavanna is responsible for the protection that they have, I guess.

even Tom Bombadil still _fucking_ exists, yes

but he's locked up in a place called Area 51

**queen**

poor guy

**king**

who's Tom Bombadil?

**lil angel**

a v. nice fellow

i can't really explain so please ask Gandalf.

**king**

have you been dreaming about this like, all the time?

**lil angel**

yes

not just in my sleep, though.

**queen**

what do you mean?

**lil angel**

it just kinda came like a vision or whatever

**queen**

so, like, do you get vine references from the Fifth Age?

**lil angel**

yes :D

**king**

how did Merry, Sam, Pippin, Boromir, and Legolas know?

**lil angel**

not entirely sure

but if i were to take a guess, i think Sam and Boromir can see, too, and they just tell Merry, Pippin, and Legolas.

maybe it's because of the connection with the Ring.

maybe even Gandalf, Lady Galadriel, and Elrond knows what we see, and are just being quiet about it.

**queen**

i want to see some of them, too

if you don't mind

**king**

love, no.

**queen**

don't listen to old mr. cranky pants

please send me

**lil angel**

okiokii

* * *

**Queen**

Pippin can you read number 23 for the class?

**second breakfast**

no i cannot

whattup i'm pippin, 29, and i never fucking learned how to read

**wringwrearer**

fucc

_wonderful_ :D

**Boromier**

tear-jerker :)

**sassybitch**

yeeeeees

look at dat shoulder _**moooooove**_

**wringwrearer**

too soon, lego

**sassybitch**

i contributed, shut the fucc up

**brandybucket**

i smell like beef

**second breakfast**

oh hello merry

never knew you were alive

**brandybucket**

i'm immortal as heck pip

**wringwrearer**

pay me for the tea cups you've broken.

**brandybucket**

oh fuck i thought you forgot

**wringwrearer**

bitch those cups were special :(

**Bimbo**

if i had the strength to go there i would actually kill the three of you

**second breakfast**

what about Sam?

it can't just be the three of us all the time

**Bimbo**

you do know that if i ever tried to at least touch one strand of Sam's hair Frodo would kill me without any hesitation, yes?

**second breakfast**

fair point.

**brandybucket**

uwu two people are blushing

**wringwrearer**

i'll start with killing Merry so if you ever got here you only have to kill two

**Bimbo**

you go, boy.

* * *

**wringwrearer**

you better watch out

**brandybucket**

you better watch out

**second breakfast**

yOU BeTTeR WaTCH OUt

**urboy**

_YOU BETTER WATCH OUT_

**Boromier**

_ **YOU BETTER WATCH OUT** _

**Bimbo**

lads please calm the fuck down

**sassybitch**

holy shite

those texts made my fight and flight response activate

* * *

**wringwrearer**

i have one (1) regret

**Bimbo**

what is it?

**wringwrearer**

i've never got to stand in front of @rangerdanger, point at his shoes with two arms wide open, palms open as well, exclaiming

_whAt ArE THoSe_

i wanted to do that in his crowning ceremony

**second breakfast**

you fainted on the crowning ceremony

**wringwrearer**

ye but that's not the point

**Bimbo**

just imagine, duh

**wringwrearer**

yoww hobbits

let's chant

ready yall

**second breakfast**

1

**brandybucket**

2

**urboy**

3

**Boromier**

4

wh

**second breakfast**

at

** urboy **

ar

**brandybucket**

e

**wringwrearer**

_THOOOOOOOOSEEEE_

**Bimbo**

how is @Boromier a hobbit?

**second breaktast**

very very long story not worth mentioning

**Boromier**

aye

* * *

**queen**

so i'm sitting there

**wringwrearer**

barbecue sauce on my tiddies

**second breakfast**

@brandybucket quick die on the floor laughing i need a clip of that

**Mithrandir**

all jokes aside the things happening in this gc are actually worse than battling the Balrog

**Woody**

stfu @Mithrandir you're flexing

**wringwrearer**

oh my god

**urboy**

i'm

**second breakfast**

am i dreaming

**Boromier**

:)))))))))))))

**wringwrearer**

i fucking knew it

**Son of a Gloin**

i'm falling in love right fucking now

**urboy**

Mr. Frodo just fainted

**sassybitch**

_oof_

**brandybucket**

no shit sherlock he fell like a fucking wood without any support and started fucking squealing in the floor with tears of joy in his eyes

**sassybitch**

did the phone survive?

**brandybucket**

perfectly safe

**Elrond**

please destroy the phone

**brandybucket**

no.

**Elrond**

_MERIADOC_

**second breakfast**

oof he's coming back

**wringwrearer**

if Sam and I saved Middle Earth just for this then I'll be willing to sacrifice my own life again and again and suffer through everything just for this to continue

**rangerdanger**

stowp

no more sacrificing life jokes or i swear to god

**Woody**

please don't tell my husband

**wringwrearer**

:)

**Woody**

bitch you think you're taller than me whilst i can literally stomp on you with one hairless foot

** sassybitch **

ooooooh

**Boromier**

_ **he needs some milk** _

**Woody**

but anyways

i did this just to shut everyone up

one of those being Frodo _fucking_ Baggins, the Ring-Bearer

and also one of those being my own granddaughter, Arwen _goddamn_ Undomiel

**sassybitch**

lmao

**Woody**

don't act like you're not involved you Shit-darin Elf

**second breakfast**

...am i involved?

**Woody**

no, Peregrin Took.

You're an angel and I'm glad you're staying out of this ruckus.

**wringwrearer**

ex-fucking-cuse me

can someone rewind time and fling me to Mt. Doom please

**rangerdanger**

Absolutely _Fucking_ Not, Frodo.

**Woody**

I'm annoyed but no, Frodo.

**Mithrandir**

first of all, no. just no.

**wringwrearer**

please

s'il vous plaît por favor

**sassybitch**

please no

**urboy**

none of that, Mr. Frodo

**Son of a Gloin**

i can't lose my second mom :(

**Mithrandir**

and second of all i was totally not flexing

**Woody**

dis bitch be lying to my face lmao

**brandybucket**

f's in the chat for Gandalf the Multiple Colored Istari

**Mithrandir**

Meriadoc, I am not a fucking multi-colored wizard

**second breakfast**

totally multi-colored

**Mithrandir**

hey @Elrond can you adjust the schedule of our leaving

I pretty much want to be in the Undying Lands right fucking now

**wringwrearer**

what's the point of going to the Undying Lands if you're already dead inside lmao

**Mithrandir**

fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 👏 have 👏 no 👏 idea 👏 what've 👏 I 👏 done 👏.


	6. Happy Birthday, Hoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone joined in the fun, and it's also Frodo's birthday.
> 
> That's it, that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's super good to be back :)

**shitmaiden**

where's lord aragorn

**Son of a Gloin**

oh

he's

ara_gone_

**rangerdanger**

why is that even a thing?

**Son of a Gloin**

because it is

**shitmaiden **

it doesn't make any sense, but yes, it's a thing

**rangerdanger**

alright that's it

_ **rangerdanger ** _ **added _Faramir _to this group.**

**rangerdanger**

@Faramir look at your wife

**Faramir**

um

...

go babe

**rangerdanger**

are you fucking kidding me

**second breakfast**

uwu hello @Faramir

**Faramir **

Greetings, Pippin.

_ **Boromier** _ ** changed _Faramir_'s nickname to _mirafam_.**

**Boromier**

:D

**mirafam**

:D

**second breakfast**

:D

**rangerdanger **

okay so are you, like, gonna bully me as well?

**mirafam**

maybe, maybe not

**Captain Obvious **

most likely yes

**sassybitch**

i already feel bad for you lol

**rangerdanger **

get fucked legolas

* * *

**Legolas**

hey

Frodo's birthday is in September 22, right?

**Bilbo**

yes.

**Samwise**

Yes

**Elrond **

why?

**Legolas**

would it be possible for us to go there?

**Aragorn**

haha no.

**Gandalf**

the routes are fucking confusing, dude

i managed, tho. :)

**Bilbo**

Thorin didn't.

and besides, you'll get queer looks and next thing you know they would tie you up on the Party Tree or harass Frodo.

**Legolas**

I thought the folks in the Shire are nice?

**Bilbo**

yes, yes they are.

but that doesn't mean they _can't_ and _wouldn't_ murder you.

**Samwise**

👀

**Gandalf**

**👀**

**Peregrin**

**👀**

**Meriadoc**

**👀**

**Bilbo**

**👀**

**Arwen**

Look, we would all love to go to the Shire and celebrate that special day

But I think Frodo deserves a break.

**Meriadoc**

I can see Sam aggressively nodding.

**Arwen**

No Elves, no Dwarves, not even wizards. 

Just hobbits. :)

**Samwise **

Aye.

I'd rather let him stay in his bed than get himself overwhelmed by big crowds.

He's not quite himself _yet_, if you get my meaning.

**Thranduil **

What about gifts?

Surely Frodo would appreciate them.

**Gimli**

Aye.

_ **Boromir ** _ **added _Faramir _to this group.**

**Boromir**

That'd be great, actually.

**Aragorn**

But who would send them?

**Peregin**

Us.

Merry and I. :)

**Faramir**

How?

we're like, in different places rn.

**Elrond**

I can send Elladan and Elrohir to Minas Tirith, along with a small party, perhaps, to collect your gifts whatsoever.

**Galadriel **

pass by on Lorien?

**Legolas**

Nay, I think I would be the one to go to Lorien. I would very much like to meet the Sons of Elrond and join them on Rivendell at least for this month.

To celebrate @Bilbo 's birthday as well :)

**Galadriel**

You think I'm going to let myself see your face again?

**Legolas**

:(

Then fine, I'll meet up with Haldir instead.

And of course, I would bring Gimli with me as well.

**Aragorn**

I would send forth a message to the rangers in the borders, then, to avoid further delay.

**Arwen**

Aye. It is September 21. We need to hurry.

**Meriadoc**

see y'all then.

* * *

**wringwrearer **

i was not informed hkhkaksbjskmaioldjhwjws

long time no see @mirafam :D

**mirafam**

heeeeeeey :D

**rangerdanger**

my senses are tingling

**Woody**

it better be

**mirafam**

i'm not?? evil??

**sassybitch **

*_ winking intensifies _*

**mirafam**

at least not yet

**shitmaiden**

that's the spirit :)

**mirafam**

thanks babe :)

* * *

**brandybucket **

IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR?

QUESTION MARK QUESTION MARK?

**rangerdanger**

?

**Queen**

?

**Mithrandir**

?

**Captain Obvious **

?

Also, why the fuck is my nickname still Captain Obvious

**wringwrearer**

hey, if anything

_ **wringwrearer ** _ **changed _Galadriel_'s nickname from _Woody_ to _Prettiest._**

**wringwrearer**

the Kwen deserves it more than you do

**Prettiest**

suck it, Mr. Blonde

**wringwrearer**

anyways

@brandybucket

you were saying?

**brandybucket **

you know full well what the fuck was i saying

**wringwrearer**

um? no?

**brandybucket **

you're telling me you never noticed?

**wringwrearer**

notice what?

**brandybucket**

oh my god

@urboy look at our precious cinnamon hoe

**urboy**

what he was meaning to say, sir

was about the fact that the Shire never treated you like a hero

**rangerdanger**

_ **????????????** _

**Queen**

Estel, calm down.

**rangerdanger**

_ **sam, you were saying?** _

**wringwrearer**

ey ey ey calm down yeah yeah i noticed

please everyone shut the fucking fucky-fricky-fuck up

**second breakfast**

you can't tell us to fuck off and just shut up about it

and that's why we're going to the Green Dragon right fucking now and tell them what the fuck exactly happened and why Frodo deserves to be called the fucking Hero™️.

**wringwrearer**

Peregrin Took, language. 

That's extremely unnecessary. 

**second breakfast**

i don't care

**wringwrearer**

you should care.

You're going to bear my name in that conversation, and I'm against it.

**second breakfast**

but they _have _to know

**wringwrearer**

they deserve to know the truth, yes

but not now, not ever

they had moved on with the whole Saruman business

and they do not need to know everything we saw and endured

What's important is that the Shire is recovering, no Evil is around anymore, y'all are being praised and practically worshipped for being the heroes you three truly are, they are safe because they know the King is back, and they still know me as the queer and odd Frodo Baggins who'd gone on an adventure and returned, just like what Uncle Bilbo did, just like what they'd predicted.

They don't need to know about the Ring and Mt. Doom and Sauron and Orcs and stuffs like that. What would they treat those? As bullshits.

So, do me a favor, sit your fucking asses down, drink water, take deep breaths, and calm the fuck down.

**Bimbo**

:)

that's my son.

**wringwrearer**

:)

**brandybucket **

that's not fair, but fine.

only because you said so.

**wringwrearer**

oop, i won. :)

* * *

**brandybucket **

look who'd turn 52 today

**wringwrearer**

🤔

**brandybucket**

it's you, hoe

**Prettiest**

:)

_ **Frodo Baggins ** _ **changed his own nickname from** _ ** wringwrearer ** _ **to** _ ** Frohoe.** _

**Frohoe**

:)

**second breakfast**

happy birthday, my fiance :)

**Boromier**

i just blew the Horn of Gondor for you :)

**mirafam**

:)

_ **Boromier** _ ** changed _Faramir_'s nickname from _mirafam _to _Faramier._**

**Frohoe**

wholesome asfuck :)

* * *

**Frohoe**

thank y'all for the gifts oh my god :)

except for @sassybitch who thought edible Elvish underwear is a good idea for a gift

**sassybitch**

it _is _a good idea

**Captain Obvious**

gotta agree on that one

**Frohoe**

what, you think I don't have enough edible briefs?

** brandybucket **

how did i not know that shit

yep, it's a good idea. :)

if we're hungry and there's nothing to eat, we could just crawl in your bed and eat it

** Frohoe **

i'm not homophobic and i'm hella gay ™️ but that's truly disgusting

** brandybucket **

suit yourself 

but if it happened, just know that my self control is almost non-existent 

or if I or Pip or Sam were the one who had edible underwear and your food supplies are low, I'm pretty sure you'll do what I have in mind.

**Frohoe**

i'll rather starve, thank you

and I have a seemingly never-ending supply of coffee, and that's real food.

**Elrond**

like that would help you and your anxiety.

** Frohoe **

i don't have anxiety

** Elrond **

says the one who had a panic attack last year

** Bimbo **

my boy had a panic attack?

and no one fucking told me?

** urboy **

*last month

** Elrond **

I rest my case.

** Frohoe **

came here to have a good time and i honestly feel attacked rn.

** Bimbo **

oh, boohoo, you wanna know what he's doing to me every damn time i want to be left in peace?

** Frohoe **

begone, Uncle. Give me at least 30 minutes to be happy.

** Bimbo **

you're lucky I love you.

** Frohoe **

says the one who abandoned me lol

** Bimbo **

:(


	7. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fever sucks, apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i became really busy with school and Tumblr so...i'm really, really sorry for not updating soon!

**shitmaiden**

speaking of hoes

_ **shitmaiden ** _ **added _Eomer_ to this group.**

**Frohoe**

second hoe?

**shitmaiden**

47th, apparently. 

**Eomer**

please let me leave

**Frohoe**

welcome to hell, buddy.

* * *

**_shitmaiden_ changed _Eomer_'s nickname to_ mereo_.**

**Frohoe**

so

fever sucks

**shitmaiden**

condolence, bruh

**Frohoe**

i said fever not fucking death

**shitmaiden**

lol it's the same

**Frohoe**

fair enough

**Faramier**

if you have a fever, then shouldn't you rest?

**Frohoe**

why, that's a good idea, why didn't i think of that

**Faramier**

i'm

_bruh_

i'm serious

**Prettiest**   


literally tho, rest.

** Frohoe **

i might as well leave before others come in and bully me to actual death.

** rangerdanger **

Lay your ass down on your bed and sleep, you lousy hobbit.

** Frohoe **

oof too late

** rangerdanger **

i'm just concerned, lil bruh

** Frohoe **

:')

** Faramier **

get lots of rest :)

** shitmaiden **

drink medicine :)

** mereo **

and lots of water :)

** Prettiest **

Get well soon you cute little shit.

**Frohoe**   


Thanks y'all :)

_ ** Frohoe ** _ ** is offline. **

* * *

**Captain Obvious**

no one called us in :(

**Prettiest**

it's not like we can do anything about it

**Captain Obvious**

ye but he'd appreciate it if everyone in this group wishes him well

**mereo**

it's just? fever??

**rangerdanger**

no shit sherlock

**Elrond**

last time he had this so-called "fever" he literally almost died

**Queen**

ah, yes

traumatic times

**brandybucket**

y'all do realize that when @Frohoe comes back he'll see everything, right?

**rangerdanger **

i just realized we started a conversation in the wrong gc lmao

**Captain Obvious**

unlike y'all my message was really supposed to be sent here

#RIP to y'all but i'm different

* * *

**brandybucket**

so, @Elrond

**Elrond**

yes, Master Meriadoc?

**brandybucket **

god, first of all, tag me with @ instead of using my name

but anyways i just really need to ask you one thing

**Elrond**

shoot

**brandybucket**

...so how do you treat this fever

**Elrond**

...it's bad, isn't it

**brandybucket**

no??

...

okay who am i kidding yes it's bad please help us

* * *

**Bimbo**

my boy?? had fever??

and no one fucking told me??

**Elrond**

well, it's not our fault that you were still asleep

**Mithrandir**

:)))))

**Bimbo**

shud iy, Gaydalf

**second breakfast**

lmao

Gaydalf

**Bimbo**

waif nos

thate d wasnzkit

hod ghis jeyboarc

**Elrond**

Master Baggins,

you need to calm down.

**sassybitch**

you're being so loud

** Bimbo **

i wasn't being loud

** sassybitch **

and i was like

oohoohoohhoohhOOOhOhOo

**Son of a Gloin**

so do you just randomly do typos whenever you're worried or is this a troll

**second breakfast**

could be both, based on the situation

**Bimbo**

I'm genusinely warrljed, thans gou befy mucsh.

**Son of a Gloin**

um...okay, then

also,

@second breakfast

**second breakfast**

?

**Son of a Gloin**

how's @Frohoe?

**second breakfast**

he's fine, I guess

t'wasn't as bad as we thought it was.

and we take shifts, so yeah

@brandybucket would be online later

**Son of a Gloin**

and where's @urboy?

**second breakfast**

idk

Merry sent him out cuz it isn't his shift yet, even tho this is technically his house, too

but y'all know Merry

a demanding shithead

* * *

**sassybitch**

highkey kinda miss Frodo rn

this gc is so quiet

** urboy **

don't worry. Mr. Frodo'll be back on his feet, typin shit soon enough, he will.

** rangerdanger **

it was a jolly 5 days of silence, amirite?

** Prettiest **

imma be honest for a bit, it wasn't.

** Mithrandir **

no.

** Captain Obvious **

it was 5 depressing days without @Frohoe.

** Queen **

my husband how dare you

** shitmaiden **

super sad

** Faramier **

ready to cry kind of sad

** Boromier **

i was ready to head on and die in a hole

** Son of a Gloin **

it felt like losing my adoptive mother

** sassybitch **

HIGHKEY READY TO HEAD ON AND SLAP FRODO FOR BEING QUIET

** brandybucket **

nightmare-inducing y'all my poor cousin is suffering

** second breakfast **

so are y'all saying we need TheHoe™️ back?

* * *

** second breakfast **

nobody answered so I'll take that as a very huge yes

* * *

**Frohoe**   


Karen pls cum baeck imiss da keds.

** sassybitch **

Karen plz caem buck i misst he kyds.

** Frohoe **

how old's he again? twenty-four?

_iS hE STiLL yOUr YoGa InstrUctOr_ **   
**

** rangerdanger **

i thought you were a bachelor?

** Frohoe **

it's a meme, you dingus

** sassybitch **

sis, relax

Karen took the kids, remember?

** rangerdanger **

...i'll leave you to your memeing, then.

** Frohoe **

Karen i don't have a bed anymore

** urboy **

?

** Frohoe **

no, i'm happy you both sleep on the master bedroom, Sam.

this is all just a joke.

** urboy **

m'okay.

** Frohoe **

i sleep on a futon on the hardwood floor.

but can you blame me? i'm quite poor.

** brandybucket **

@Frohoe you're using Karen but i know full well that you're talking about Pearl aren't ya

** Frohoe **

_ WHY'D yOU HaVe tO Be sUch a whOrE _

** mirafam **

i'm so confused?

** Prettiest **

oh my god @Frohoe

you can't just call someone a whore

** Frohoe **

i drink respect women juice everyday, and thus i respect every women here, but, believe me, Karen is just really a fucking whore

** Prettiest **

who even is this Karen?

** Frohoe **

i'm just gonna sing idc about y'all

** Mithrandir **

can he actually be muted?

**brandybucket**

can't and won't

Pippin's an idiot so he turned him into an Admin, and if we do try to mute him, he'll murder us

**rangerdanger**

he can't even hurt a fly

**brandybucket**

y'all underestimate my cousin too much

**second breakfast**

i'm not an idiot >:(

who can resist his fucking puppy dog eyes

**brandybucket**

he's literally older how can he use his puppy dog eyes on you???

**second breakfast**

yeah and you're younger than him, too

you never resisted

**Frohoe**

damn yes

And I will write _yA SoNGs_

Until my lungs fall ooooout

Til you hear me oooouuuut

cuz _shE TooK thE FuCKiNG kIiiiiiiiDs_

**Mithrandir**

what kids???

* * *

**Frohoe**

_my pAIn BuRNS hOt aS mAh ToRCH_

placed outside your dooooor

now you'll see you why you're a

**Boromier**

whore?

**Frohoe**

nope already done that

_wELL I'LL_

_dIE iN rItUAl fiiiiiiiree_

**Prettiest**

not gonna lie i kinda want him to be silenced again

**Elrond**

bring down a bucket of fever?

**Frohoe**

fever _does _suck i swear to god i don't want it

y'all just never ask, y'know?

all you need to say is

"Hoe, dear, please be quiet"

**brandybucket**

is the "dear" necessary?

**Frohoe**

yes

and i'll be quiet !!

**rangerdanger**

aight let's give it a try

**Bimbo**

hoe please be fucking quiet

**rangerdanger**

Bilbo no

_ **Frohoe** _ ** is offline.**

**Mithrandir**

well, it works.

* * *

**brandybucket**

so good news:

me and @Frohoe are officially together :)

**Frohoe**

:)

i wasn't informed but okay i'll go with it :)

**brandybucket**

we're officially together?

**Frohoe**

as you wish :)

**brandybucket**

ok we're _officially _together :)

**Frohoe**

yey :)

**Queen**

!!! :)

**rangerdanger**

!!! :)

**urboy**

!!!!!!! :)

**Frohoe**

sam i thought you were asleep?

**urboy**

got woken up by Mr. Merry howling

**Frohoe**

omg noooo

i'm so sorry, Sam :(

**urboy**

it's ok, Mr. Frodo :)

**Frohoe**

:)

**Captain Obvious**

can i be like a priest or smth

**Prettiest**

if anything i'll kill to be the Ring-bearer

**Frohoe**

ha ha what a very funny joke.

**second breakfast**

i am the Ring-bearer

**brandybucket **

idk man can't have you losing the ring again

**second breakfast**

i won't !!

**Frohoe**

Christ guys there's no wedding

**brandybucket **

yet.

**Frohoe**

babe don't finish my

**brandybucket **   


sentences

** Frohoe **

did you just threw a knife at me just to make me stop typing??

** brandybucket **

yes

** Frohoe **

why??

** brandybucket  **

cuz i want to finish your sentences.

** Frohoe **

my boyfriend is a maniac.

i luv him

** Son of a Gloin **

does it mean he's my father now?

** Frohoe **

yes, my son.

_ ** Meriadoc Brandybucket  ** _ ** changed his own nickname from _brandybucket _to _Merhoe_. **

* * *

**shitmaiden**

Frodo dear

**Frohoe**

?

**shitmaiden**

Merry's sending me memes and it's 3 AM

PLEASE HELP

**Frohoe**

sorry can't control him

**Merhoe**

damn right

**Frohoe**

babe i love you but it's 3 AM please stop sending her memes

and _WHY YOU TEXTING EOWYN?_

**Merhoe**

uuh she was awake

**Frohoe**

yes and so was i

**Merhoe**

she responds well

**Frohoe**

:(

i'm

_ **u n p l e a s e d .** _

**Merhoe**

i'm sorry please don't break up with me again

* * *

**Merhoe**

Frodo please come back i miss the kids.

**Frohoe**

consult Gaydalf

**Merhoe**

lmao


	8. The Dark Lord and the Hoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frodo befriended a Dark Lord. Chaos ensues— well, it's not a surprise anymore, this group had been chaotic ever since this group had been born. Also, Frodo broke down. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BE WARNED: There's venting here. Mostly a reference to Frodo's PTSD, so if that somehow triggers you, I think you need to step back and just wait for another update. :)

**Frohoe**

I found a new friend :)

**Mithrandir**

who?

**Frohoe**

and you also know him!!

take a guess ;)

**rangerdanger**

i mean

literally everyone we know could be your friend sooo

**Queen**

yep

**Frohoe**

just take a fucking guess, please.

**Queen**

okiokii

sooo

Elladan?

**Frohoe**

he's my friend but no

**Bimbo**

Elrohir?

**Frohoe**

nope

**Mithrandir**

Fëanor?

**Frohoe**

is that supposed to be a joke?

**Mithrandir**

yea

**Frohoe**

nope

**sassybitch**

Morgoth?

**Frohoe**

Jesus Christ legolas

hell no

**shitmaiden**

lmao

Sauron?

**Frohoe**

yep!! :)

_ **Frohoe ** _ **added _Sauron_ to this group.**

**second breakfast**

welp

_fuck this shit i'm out_

_ **second breakfast** _ ** is offline.**

**Merhoe**

aight cousin that's enough internet for now

**Sauron**

hello?

_ **urboy** _ ** removed _Sauron_ from this group.**

**urboy**

begging your pardon sir but what the fuck were you thinking

**Frohoe**

but Sam

he's my friend!!

**rangerdanger**

can someone physically wrestle the phone away from him

kings order thank thou

**Queen**

that was such a blast :D

never knew you could be friends with a Dark Lord or smth :)

**Elrond**

my daughter supports this shit and I'm not okay with it

**Prettiest**

where the fuck is his therapist

**Captain Obvious**

...am I supposed to be the therapist?

**Prettiest**

fuck yes

**shitmaiden**

i?? was??? joking??????

**mereo**

so is @Frohoe high or what

**Son of a Gloin**

that is not me mum

**Boromier**

so are we still safe here

**Mithrandir**

christ that kid is not okay

**urboy**

he's an adult??

**Faramier**

official scary seconds of my life tbh

* * *

**second breakfast**

okay so he was drunk

but he's serious about the whole S**r*n thing

**Frohoe**

Pip-lad I'm sober af

why are you sensoring his name like that?

**second breakfast**

shush, dear

i ain't talking to you

* * *

_ **king ** _ **added _Gandalf _to this group.**

**Gandalf**

Frodo

in the nicest way possible

are you _fucking_ insane

**lil angel**

no

**queen**

Frodo

is this

perhaps,

an influence of the One Ring?

**lil angel**

no

**king**

is it because of us?

**lil angel**  


no

Listen.

just because I wasn't the same hobbit I was once doesn't mean all of you can just pity me every damn time I do something different, odd, or fucking "inappropriate"

yes, i admit it's because of the Ring

no, this isn't because of any of you

Sauron did a lot of shitty things

but I just

forgive?

it's not a conscious decision.

I can't stop, nor can I control it, and if I forgave someone then it's done.

I want to hate a lot of people.

I want to hate Sam for being too fucking loyal to someone like me— a broken person who has to pick himself up like a broken shards of glass

I want to hate Pippin and Merry for following me and losing their innocence like me and witnessing things that shouldn't be witnessed by them

I want to hate Bilbo for leaving me behind after all those years that I finally convinced myself that someone finally fucking loved me

I want to hate Gollum for destroying the only thing that made me feel something

I want to hate Aragorn for not letting me die when I finally had the chance to just go

I want to hate Gandalf for saying that there's still hope for me after all this when all the hope in the World I see only goes to the people around me and to the people who'd live in the future

I want to hate Elrond and his daughter for offering me a stupid offer to find peace but also having to leave everyone behind and basically just making me feel like I'm torn in two

I want to hate Saruman for destroying the Shire and turning from the Side he was supposed to be in

I want to hate myself for being too fucking responsible, thinking that I can do it, thinking that it might not be easy but I'll still return and be okay. What happened? I let It claim me, and now what?

and I want to hate Sauron for literally. Fucking. Everything.

I want to hate him and Fëanor and Morgoth and Melkor and literally every one of their descendants.

I'll go as far as hating your deity that you worshiped so much for allowing these things to happen.

but did I?

no

but I want to

why didn't I?

because if a single piece of my old existence still exists then I'll let it live

if the "old me" wants to forgive them I'll let him forgive them

because if I can't forget them then I'll just forgive them, right?

okay wait where the fuck did the ale go

**king**

Frodo

**lil angel**

don't you "Frodo" me

i meant all the fucking things that I said

and no, I'm not drunk

_ **lil angel ** _ **is offline.**

* * *

**urboy**

so

um

pardon

**Mithrandir**

?

**urboy**

why is Sauron still alive?

**Mithrandir**

that's a rather hard question. next please

**Sauron**

i mean idk

i thought i was going to die since y'all destroyed my really pretty ring

**Bimbo**

*scoffs as if to clear throat

**Sauron**

wait

@Bimbo are you the Baggins who discovered my Ring??

**Bimbo**

is that question directed to me

**Mithrandir**

can you please just

idk

die?

**Sauron**

Olorin you're hurting my feelings

and where's Fro btw?

**urboy**

sleepin', Mr. Sauron, sir

**Sauron**

well that sucks

**Mithrandir**

Sam why are you talking to hin that way

**urboy**

bc he's a friend of Mr. Frodo

i'm nice to people who are friends with Mr. Frodo

even though they're Dark Lords or somethin

**Sauron**

aww thank you Sammie :)

**urboy**

welcome, sir

please don't call me that i feel like my life's in danger

**Sauron**

yep

sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, if you're suffering from any form of mental illness, SEEK HELP. I know it's not easy, and I don't think the journey to recovery would be easy as well, but, I promise, IT WOULD GET BETTER. You're probably sick of hearing that, and you probably had already lost your faith, but just trust me. God bless y'all. Please be safe. :)


	9. teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what's actually happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some typos are intentional. I apologize if that bothers you.

**Sauron**  
so why's everything so quiet?

**urboy**  
No, idea, Mr. Sauron

**Mithrandir**  
because they're scared??

**Sauron**  
oh yeah  
that's why i'm here :)  
I personally want to apologize for all the shit that happened

**Bimbo**  
am i reading that right?  
i might need glasses soon

**rangerdanger**  
why do i feel like i'm supposed to be here

**sassybitch**  
exclusive news, sir ranger.  
the villain admits defeat

**Mithrandir**  
okay but how do you even type?l  
i'm pretty sure you don't have a body or smth.

**Sauron**  
I know it sounds weird, but the Valar forgave me  
idk why cuz i'm pretty sure I'll finally die but here I am  
Also, @rangerdanger aren't you Isildur's heir?

**rangerdanger**  
yesh

**Son of a Gloin**  
spoken like a true confident king

**rangerdanger**  
dude, Gimli, i thought you were proud of me  
don't sass me like this

**Sauron**  
dude  
he literally destroyed me by just cutting me off my finger  
you should be proud you dipshit

**rangerdanger**  
he cut off the finger wity your Ring on it sooo

**Sauron**  
Christ, Elassar  
I'm complimenting your predecessor

**sassybitch**  
and so?

**Sauron**  
that also means i'm complimenting him

**rangerdanger**  
i'm confused but okay thank you

* * *

**Prettiest**  
CAN WE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE MOST PUREST HOBBIT THERE IS JUST BEFRIENDED A FUCKING EVIL DUDE THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GET RID OFF  
Everything's possible I'm so proud of you bb Frodo :)

**Sauron**  
oh my God  
_you_

**Prettiest**  
yes, me

**Sauron**  
get away from my bb >:(

**Boromier**  
*MY bb

**Faramier**  
excuse me pretty sure that he's my bb

**Mithrandir**  
ehe-fucking-m MY

**Bimbo**  
"ahahahah that's cute," said his cousin who adopted him and treated him as the most precious son fucking ever.

**urboy**  
sorry, sirs and ma'ams, I'm married to a lovely lass but Mr. Frodo's still my bb

**sassybitch**  
everyone shut up we have a winner

**urboy**  
me

**sassybitch**  
i never mentioned "Samwise"

**urboy**  
you never mentioned any name

**sassybitch**  
well someone interrupted me and thus I'm going to announce the name very very late  
ehem  
Legolas Greenleaf  
to furthermore explain, Frodo Baggins is Legolas Greenleaf's bb  
thank you very much now everyone shut up

**Sauron**  
fucker

**urboy**  
>:(

**Prettiest**  
I'm going to leave because I feel like I would commit something very evil.  
Tata you bitch.

**_Prettiest_ is offline.**

**Frohoe**  
aye mates it's been a good 8 days of being inactive  
i've calmed down and life is good :)  
what did i miss?

**Mithrandir**  
a lot

**rangerdanger**  
a lot

**Queen**  
a lot

**shitmaiden**  
a lot

**Sauron**  
welcome back :)

**Frohoe**  
it's good to be back :)  
but please elaborate

**Mithrandir**  
idk you just missed a lot

**Frohoe**  
there's a thing called back read so yeah  
lemme just

**_Frodo Baggins_ changed his nickname from _Frohoe_ to _bb_.**

**bb**  
there

**urboy**  
what just happened

**bb**  
i'm everyone's bb :)

**urboy**  
pardon but i don't like sharin', Mr. Frodo. :<

**bb**  
i'm?? older than you????

**urboy**  
doesn't matter  
you're still my bb

**bb**  
holup

**_bb_ changed _Samwise Gamgee_'s nickname from _urboy_ to _urbb_.**

**bb**  
there :)  
i'm officially your bb

**Merhoe**  
i'm smelling a strong scent of gayness and I love it.

**bb**  
stop bullying me and my love for my best mate, Merry.

**second breakfast**  
are you using the term "mate" right? are you sure that it's the right word? or would you like to change the word? or would you like to change the word with another that is more precise and appropriate, like "lover"?

**bb**  
fuck off you little piece of pipshit

**Merhoe**  
if Sam could treat you like his bb then I'll treat you as my bb, too.

**bb**  
??  
seriously lads  
i'm 52

**second breakfast**  
yeah and I'm 29 how bout that

**bb**  
i'm??  
that's so weird??  
i'm old enough to be your parent  
literally

**rangerdanger**  
i'm so confused  
but I guess Frodo's my "bb" as well?

**bb**  
yes, Dad. :)

**rangerdanger**  
oh my this is weird

**sassybitch**  
LMAO  
this went from hella gae to parental to straight-up awkward

**bb**  
you literally carried me around last year like a doll you dipshit how can you deny your own son like that.  
god is this how it felt to have daddy issues?

**Son of a Gloin**  
dunno  
i never had daddy issues

**bb**  
yeah cuz your dad is literally cool  
i wish i still have a dad

**Merhoe**  
but Sam is your Dad??  
and Aragorn and Boromir and literally anyone here??  
cuz that's the whole point of you being the bb??

**bb**  
oh yeah forgot about that

**rangerdanger**  
who's the dipshit now :/

**Boromier**  
i mean i'm not gonna lie but if i'm going to have a child I want him to be like Frodo

**Bimbo**  
does that mean you would like a demon child?

**Boromier**  
wdym a demon child?  
I was talking about an angelic one.  
Like Frodo.

**Mithrandir**  
oh Boromir you big naïve man

**bb**  
b careful what you wish for :)

**Bimbo**  
I'm gonna need you to delete the smiley face 'cause I feel really, really unsafe  
more than ever

**bb**  
b careful what you wish for :)))))))

**Bimbo**  
ah fuck

**sassybitch**  
r/hmmm

**Sauron**  
i'm not gonna lie but I'm actually glad that I'm still here  
like  
bruh

**bb**  
bruh :)

**_bb_ changed _Sauron_'s nickname to _spikeman_.**

**spikeman**  
BRUH

**bb**  
BRUH

**_Frodo Baggins_ changed his nickname from _bb_ to _Frobb_.**

**rangerdanger**  
stinky

**Boromier**  
no

**rangerdanger**  
stinky bastard man

**second breakfast**  
_I have been summoned._

**Frobb**  
excuse me i think i just lost one braincell during that whole exchange can someone explain

**rangerdanger**  
he was stinky  
he was a bastard  
he's a man.

**Frobb**  
what i'm so confused what a plot twist

**second breakfast**  
oh my god is this cyberbullying  
@Merhoe I'M BEING CYBERBULLIED

**Frobb**  
no you're not you dramatic bitch

**Merhoe**  
no you're not you dramatic stink

**second breakfast**  
:<

**Frobb**  
:>

**Merhoe**  
:>  
now please excuse me  
for i must return to my business that i was tending to before i was  
perhaps  
Crudely Interrupted™️

**second breakfast**  
:<<<<

**_Merhoe_ is offline.**

**_rangerdanger_ changed _Peregin Took_'s nickname from _second breakfast_ to _sbm_.**

**_Frobb_ changed _Peregrin Took_'s nickname from _sbm_ to _stinky breakfast man_.**

**Frobb**  
b specific :)

**rangerdanger**  
:)

**_Frobb_ is offline.**

**_rangerdanger_ is offline.**

**Boromier**  
NOOOOOOOO

**stinky breakfast man**  
DUDES WHAT THE FUCK

**Son of a Gloin**  
who the fuck said that tennis rackets can't be used as a weapon

**rangerdanger**  
yea who the guck

**Boromier**  
what the absolute fuck is "guck"

**Son of a Gloin**  
GUCK

**sassybitch**  
GUCK

**Mithrandir**  
GUCK

**mereo**

GUCK

**stinky breakfast man**  
GUCK  
jesus christ imma be honest for a bit i'm a bit weirded out with my nickname

**Frobb**  
then live with it

**rangerdanger**  
@Frobb *visual high-five*

**Frobb**  
@rangerdanger *visual high-five*

**sassybitch**  
Peregrin Took more like Peregin Stink  
@Frobb *visual high-five*

**Frobb**  
@sassybitch you wanna die or what

**sassybitch**  
I thought we were on the same side??

**Frobb**  
who the fuck said that we're on the same side?

**sassybitch**  
YOU OBVIOUSLY  
OMG YOU JUST LIED TO ME :<

**Captain Obvious**  
son, behave. Frodo's your bb, remember?

**sassybitch**  
no

**_sassybitch_ changed _Frodo Baggins_'s nickname from _Frobb_ to _passive aggresive bitch jr_.**

**passive aggresive bitch jr**  
you ho

**_passive aggresive bitch jr _changed _Legolas_ _Greenleaf_'s nickname from _sassybitch_ to _Captain Obvious Jr_.**

**_Captain Obvious Jr _changed _Bilbo Baggins_'s nickname from _Bimbo_ to _passive aggresive bitch sr_.**

**passive aggresive bitch sr**  
wow apparently i'm caught up in this as well

**passive aggresive bitch jr**  
>.<

**Captain Obvious Jr**  
take that

**_Frodo Baggins_ changed his nickname from _passive aggresive bitch jr_ to _Frobb_.**

**_Frobb_ changed _Bilbo Baggins_'s nickname from _passive aggresive bitch_ _sr_ to _Bimbo_.**

**Bimbo**  
finally, a mature lad.

**_Bimbo_ is offline.**

**_Legolas Greenleaf _changed his own nickname from _Captain Obvious Jr_ to _sassybitch_.**

**Frobb**  
"THiS fOrEst iS OLd, VeRY oLD"

**sassybitch**  
"oH lOok aT mE, i looK vEry iNNoCeNT bUt i TaLK shIt aBouT pEOplE whO aRe rUdE tO mY bOiS"

**Frobb**  
i never said that >:(

**Mithrandir**  
now why don't we just calm down

**Frobb**  
"oH lOok aT mE i'M oLD af aNd I knOw a lOt abOuT tHInGs"

**sassybitch**  
"yEaH I MaNaGeD tO DeFeaT a lItErAl DeMiGoD sInglEhAndEdly THeN dIE aND cOmE BaCK aGAiN"

**Frobb**  
"I cAmE BaCK wIth wHiTe clOthEs aNd sO i fORGoT mY nAMe fOr tEN mInUtEs"

**Queen**  
well, well, well

**Boromier**  
how the turn tables

**spikeman**  
bruh  
@Frobb

**sassybitch**  
"oH lOOk i MaDe A rIng aND MaDe my BB sUffEr oNLY fOr mE tO CoMe bAck aND aCt LiKe nOthIng HaPPeNeD"

**Frobb**  
Lego, dude  
we stopped for like 4 hours ago

**spikeman**  
imma just come back when everything's okay

**Frobb**  
ok :)

* * *

** _(Private Message— Frodo and Legolas)_ **

**Elfish Presley**  
TORTURE TORTURE TORTURE TORTURE

**Bag-In-Box**  
TORMENT TORMENT TORMENT TORMENT  
EVERY FUCKING ONE, YES?

**Elfish Presley**  
HELL YES

**Bag-In-Box**  
SASS SASS SASS SASS

**Elfish Presley**  
Wait hol up

**Bag-In-Box**  
Yes?

**Elfish Presley**  
who do we do first?

**Bag-In-Box**  
idk man  
whoever chats first?

**Elfish Presley**  
k then

* * *

**mereo**  
um

* * *

**Elfish Presley**  
OOF OOF OOF OOF

**Bag-In-Box**  
bon appetit bitch

* * *

**Frobb**  
"i LooK lIkE CaRL UrbAn"

* * *

**Elfish Presley**  
low blow bruh

**Bag-In-Box**  
bruh  
he does look like him

* * *

**sassybitch**  
"i'M tOO BuSY cryIng tO aCTuaLLY chEck fOr a PuLSe"

**rangerdanger**  
legolas no

* * *

**Bag-In-Box**  
DUDE WHAT THE FUCK  
THAT'S SO RUDE  
NO

**Elfish Presley**  
oof

* * *

**Boromier**  
legolas it literally stopped being funny, like, 10 months ago

* * *

**Bag-In-Box**  
Éowyn said that Éomer laughed it off  
you're lucky you aren't in thin fucking ice

**Elfish Presley**  
not gonna lie but i actually felt genuinely scared lmao

* * *

**Frobb**  
"GuYS lOoK aT mE i'M HoT aS FuCK bUt i NeVeR shOwErEd"

**sassybitch**  
"YoW i'M rEAlly SeXY sO LeT'S gO HuNT sOmE oRCS"

**Frobb**  
"tAkE mY hAnd, SMoL brOthEr, aND fEEl THe jOy oF sEEIng THe wOrld yOu'D sAvEd"

**sassybitch**  
"nOw HeRe'S a PReTTY hObbIt SKiN"

**Frobb**  
eew  
that's really traumatizing

**spikeman**  
i've no idea what's happening

**Frobb**  
stay out of this, Saur. a certain Elf is having a schizophrenic episode.

**sassybitch**  
do shut up, you.  
i trusted you. :(

**spikeman**  
may or may not regretting my decisions now idk

**Frobb**  
i feel you :)

**spikeman**  
:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry if I had offended anyone about the schizophrenic episode joke.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry about the delay!! The last time I added a chapter, it was October, I think? And now it's 2020. Nevertheless, I need to greet you guys: Merry Christmas/Thanksgiving and Happy New Year!!!


	10. Svenerie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wolf spiders!! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are spiders creepy or cute? Haven't decided yet. :/
> 
> But please don't kill them lol. Just set them free (especially when you have nearby trees in your house) or usher them out of your room. Most of the spiders here are either chilling in the bathroom or outside our house.

**Merhoe**  
have I guys told you the story of how Frodo is an idiot?

**Frobb**  
Merry dear are you here just to bully me again?

**Merhoe**  
course not  
I was just cautioning them

**Frobb**  
lmao no  
they already know how dumb I am

**rangerdanger**  
are you talking about that time when he needed help but he just stayed quiet?

**Merhoe**  
OH GOD YES THAT'S BETTER LMAO

**Frobb**  
XKSKSJXKSKODX THE RING WAS TALKING TO ME ALRIGHT  
THAT WASN'T MY FAULT  
I WOULD'VE SCREAMED IF I WAS IN COMPLETE CONTROL  
:(

**stinky breakfast man**  
well that's bullshit  
you once visited Buckland for Yule  
and you got in a lil accident with Lotho and said nothing

**urbb**  
if i may interfere, sirs

**Frobb**  
oh my god yes sam save me

**urbb**  
he also got hurt years ago, here in Bag End and never told Mr. Bilbo about anythin

**Frobb**  
:(

**_Frobb_ is offline.**

**sassybitch**  
So what's with upsetting him?

**rangerdanger**  
nothing much  
just wanna have a little fun

* * *

**Merhoe**  
@Frohoe do you have an extra set of quills? Pip stole mine.

**Frohoe**  
then kill him

**sassybitch**  
jesus take the wheel

**Merhoe**  
nah  
at least it isn't broken

**stinky breakfast man**  
heh

**Merhoe**  
nevermind it is  
mind if I borrow Sting for a bit?

**Frohoe**  
no.

* * *

**Frohoe**  
THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY ROOM

**Boromier**  
then kill it

**Frohoe**  
IT'S SO PRECIOUS OMGGGGGG SHANNXZKSLZLZ  
IT'S BIG BUT IT'S SO CUUUUTEEE AAAAAAH

**Son of a Gloin**  
Sam is he high

**urbb**  
no  
he just  
he wants that spider so much

**sassybitch**  
what the fuck no kill it

**Frohoe**  
WHY THE **FUCK** WOULD I KILL IT  
IT'S HECKING ADORABLE  
IT'S A FEMALE AHKAMSKSLZPZP  
SHE HAS LONG LEGS OH MY GOD  
aight I think I finally have another spider as a pet :)  
Everyone, meet Svenerie.

**rangerdanger**  
is it not  
like  
poisonous??  
I mean I know you're in the Shire but yknow??

**Frohoe**  
first of all, there is some poisonous spiders here but not that much so yea  
and it is poisonous.

**Mithrandir**  
????

**Frohoe**  
RELAX I'M NOT FINISHED  
Yes, it's poisonous. But that doesn't mean it's evil so?? there's a difference  
It's not like this cutie here is like Ungoliant or Shelob or something lmao

**urbb**  
Mr. Frodo, sir  
I love you with all my heart  
but please just??? don't keep?? the spider?  
i beg of you

**Frobb**  
why not?  
It'll just stay in my room and in the Study  
It won't wander around

**urbb**  
sir  
umm  
it's already here in our room.

**Merhoe**  
LMAO

**urbb**  
I mean there's nothing wrong with spiders  
but they're  
am I supposed to kill it?

**Captain Obvious**  
YES.  
GODDAMN HECKING **YES** KILL THAT SPIDER.

**Frobb**  
NO  
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAM  
DON'T KILL MY BABY :(

**urbb**  
...  
oops.

**Frobb**  
...  
:(

**_Frobb_ is offline.**

**Prettiest**  
I just..  
wow Sam.

**urbb**  
yeah.  
wow i'm a ninnyhammer. :(

**_urbb_ is offline.**

**sassybitch**  
SAM YOU DON'T JUST KILL SPIDERS

**Captain Obvious**  
at least it's dead, tho

**sassybitch**  
AND OH MY **GOD** FRODO **YOU DON'T JUST KEEP SPIDERS OUT OF THE BLUE**  
**YOU SET IT FREE YOU LITTLE _FUCKER_**

**shitmaiden**  
umm  
whyy?

**sassybitch**  
Frodo said it's a hecking wolf spider

**Frobb**  
IT'S _INNOCENT_  
THEY'RE BOTH INNOCENT  
SAM DOESN'T KNOW IT WAS

**sassybitch**  
AND NOW IT'S DEAD AJKALWUDBNSOWKW **_FRODOOOOO_**

**Faramier**  
can u guys act like adults and tell us clearly what's happening, please??

**Frobb**  
SHUT UP I'M OLDER THAN YOU FARAMIR

**rangerdanger**  
to be fair in human years you're only the equivalent of 28-29 and Faramirs is  
like  
36 or something idk

**Frobb**  
SHUT UP.  
JUST SHUT UP.  
MY INNOCENT PET IS MURDERED

**Bimbo**  
it's not murder if Sam didn't mean to kill it.

**Frobb**  
what's the past tense of manslaughter?  
WHATEVER  
MY PET IS KILLED  
BY MY OWN EX-HUSBAND

**stinky breakfast man**  
please stop calling him ex-husband  
it's making me jealous for some reason

**Merhoe**  
and please stop the fucking caps lock  
it's making my head hurt

**shitmaiden**  
oh god i love the chaotic energy

**Prettiest**  
I'm trying my best to stay away from this group but I need something to cheer me up  
@Elrond come here you coward

**Elrond**  
...  
I truly can't escape this group, huh.

**Boromier**  
umm  
@Frobb  
why are you going to keep it btw?

**Frobb**  
because it's cute :(  
plus it isn't really that dangerous  
it doesn't just bite without permission.

**rangerdanger**  
u sure about that?

**Frobb**  
I read books so don't brag about your knowledge, mr. ranger. :)

**shitmaiden**  
rest in peace, Svenerie. :<

**Captain Obvious**  
I'm glad it's dead tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill spiders. Just. Don't.


	11. Thesaurus-tic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Synonyms and being cute. :)

**sassybitch**  
i adore this picture so much it hurts  


**Frobb**  
o_o

**stinky breakfast man**  
IT'S SO GAY IT'S WONDERFUL

**urbb**  
0_0

**Merhoe**  
I SHIP THIS SO MUCH IT FUCKING HURTS

**Queen**  
what the _heck_ that's a _MASTERPIECE_

**Frobb**  
pls delete it bruh

**Elrond**  
...why delete it if everybody had already seen it?

**Frobb**  
shush  
@sassybitch ur my bestie  
please delete it

**sassybitch**  
No.  
**NO.**  
**I WOULD NOT.**

**Boromier**  
geez @Frobb stop being a killjoy.

**Frobb**  
@urbb IS LITERALLY CRYING OVER HERE YOU IMBECILES

**Merhoe**  
aight take note this is gonna be good.

**stinky breakfast man**  
getting the popcorn ready.

**Frobb**  
HEAR HEAR YOU IDIOTS  
@urbb IS A HERO AND YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHTS TO EMBARRASS HIM LIKE THIS  
this picture is cute tho:/  
BUT IF IT MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE I WOULD NOT TOLERATE IT  
HE SAVED THE LIVES OF MANY PEOPLE AND YOUR STUPID ASSES  
HE'S CRYING OH MY gOD  
LOOK WHAT YOU DID :(

**sassybitch**  
still not falling for it lol

**Frobb**  
@sassybitch  
you are a fool, ass, halfwit, dunce, dolt, ignoramus, cretin, dullard, moron, simpleton, clod, dope, ninny, chump, dimwit, nitwit, goon, dumbbell, loon, jackass, bonehead, fathead, numbskull, blockhead, dunderhead, chucklehead, knucklehead, muttonhead, pudding-head, thickhead, wooden-head, airhead, pinhead, lamebrain, peabrain, birdbrain, zombie, jerk, nerd, dipstick, donkey, noodle, nit, twit, numpty, clot, plonker, berk, prat, pillock, wally, git, wazzock, divvy, nerk, twerp, twonk, charlie, mug, muppet, nyaff, balloon, sumph, gobdaw, schmuck, bozo, lamer, turkey, schlepper, chowderhead Elf

**Mithrandir**  
wow.  
who bought him a thesaurus.

**Merhoe**  
@Bimbo damn ur cousin's powerful with words

**spikeman**  
even powerful than curunir

**Frobb**  
@spikeman thanks, bruh :)

**shitmaiden**  
omg that's so helpful

**Faramier**  
@shitmaiden how?

**shitmaiden**  
for bullying some people :D

**Faramier**  
babe  
no.

**shitmaiden**  
Damn  
just Damn.

**Frobb**  
ur lucky ur so far away from me

**stinky breakfast man**  
um  
Sam said that he was just crying because Frodo looked both cute and sad in there.  
sooo

**Frobb**  
my point still stands.  
If Sam cries, all of u,  
_**dead.**_

**Merhoe**  
damn it has period in it.

**Bimbo**  
Damn.  
u my son. :)

* * *

_ **"It's Hobbits, Bitches."** _

**cucumbor**  
it's kinda sad how it ended just there

**bagginshit**  
damn, i'm out of words :(  
and that wasn't super nice soo

**brandyfuck**  
he kinda deserved it soo

**bagginshit**  
I'm really sorry, I just got out of control.

**tick took**  
stop apologizing  
god, frodo

**brandyfuck**  
if i would earn money whenever @bagginshit feels guilty about something i would be filthy rich

**bagginshit**  
whatever  
um  
where's Sam?

**tick took**  
admiring the picture :)

**bagginshit**  
pip-lad i'm serious  
where is he?

**tick took**  
I _am_ serious.  
he's too busy admiring the picture.

**loyalistic**  
here, sir.  
um  
can i just say somethin', if you don't mind at all?

**bagginshit**  
sure

**cucumbor**  
yep

**loyalistic**  
you look Elvish  
sir  
you look like an elf  
kinda??

**brandyfuck**  
oh my god sam  
you're saying it as if nobody had said it before

**bagginshit**  
just kinda lol

**loyalistic**  
wait nO  
i mean  
you look wholly Elvish-like  
with your features and all  
even more beautiful than Legolas, sir

**cucumbor**  
fairly accurate

**bagginshit**  
@cucumbor ur just saying that 'cause u hate him

**cucumbor**  
negative.  
he irks me sometimes but i don't hate him.  
and you look waaay beautiful  
maybe even more than a lass?  
idk.  
u just are.

**bagginshit**  
thanks, I guess?

**brandyfuck**  
and to further prove things.  
take this picture as an example  
  
damn u beautiful. :)

**tick took**  
never knew i'd live to see the day where my cousin would blush furiously  
ur cute :)

**loyalistic**  
ur cute (2)

**cucumbor**  
ur cute (3)

**brandyfuck**  
ur cute (4)


	12. Bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Hobbits are awake and the King is bored.

_**"It's Hobbits, Bitches**_"

**bagginshit**  
@brandyfuck you on?

**brandyfuck**  
aye aye cousin

**cucumbor**  
do you guys ever, like  
idk  
sleep?

**tick took**  
what's that?

**cucumbor**  
what's what?

**tick took**  
sleep?

**cucumbor**  
...I am genuinely concerned.  
Are you guys okay?

**loyalistic**  
aye, boromir sir

**cucumbor**  
sam  
do you not sleep as well?

**loyalistic**  
oh i do, sir

**cucumbor**  
and?

**loyalistic**  
and what?

**cucumbor**  
why are you awake right now?  
it's 1 am

**loyalistic**  
oh  
it's just a thing we do  
if mr. frodo can't sleep, we also don't sleep

**bagginshit**  
wait  
holy shit  
that's a thing?  
u guys are idiots  
i luv you guys

**loyalistic**  
love you too mr. frodo

**cucumbor**  
I don't know if I'm included but hi i love you too :)

**bagginshit**  
omg yes you're included  
thank you for loving me :)

**tick took**  
damn  
@cucumbor  
being loved by frodo is a gift

**bagginshit**  
shut up pip  
i love everyone

**brandyfuck**  
damn everyone is lucky

* * *

**rangerdanger**  
damn i'm bored

**Faramier**  
sire  
you have things to do tomorrow  
you need to sleep

**Boromier**  
that's cute

**Queen**  
@Faramier you sound like his wife more than i do

**Faramier**  
i'm sorry, my Queen

**shitmaiden**  
@Faramier that's a compliment you idot

**Frobb**  
damn i'm bored (2)

**spikeman**  
damn i'm bored (3)

**Merhoe**  
here u go

[i edited señorita because i was bored](https://youtu.be/gPGVFgmirIQ)

**Frobb**  
lmao

**sassybitch**   


lmfao

**rangerdanger**

@stinky breakfast man dis u?


	13. Caffeine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caffeine withdrawal and mayonnaise.

**spikeman**  
@rangerdanger u know, instead of forcing curfew down on kids' throat, why not just let me step in and gather my Orcs and make a border and never let them out?

**rangerdanger**  
uuh  
for what reason?

**spikeman**  
idk  
curfew is weird  
and it'll make people feel paranoid than safe??

**sassybitch**  
and?

**spikeman**  
and it'll make them feel more _free_  
y'all know how the "war" is over  
soo it'll make them feel like it

**Mithrandir**  
and what about your Orcs?

**spikeman**  
well  
make them have spas or something  
as long as they stay on the borders, it'll be alright :)  
i promise :)

**Frobb**  
yow that's smartt

**Mithrandir**  
No.

**Frobb**  
oh c'mooon  
Sauron's their master, and of course they'll follow him  
if Sauron commanded them to stay in one place, they'll do it :)

**spikeman**  
yep :)

**rangerdanger**  
I'm sorry Frodo  
but just  
nope.  
Let them stay on where they are

**Frobb**  
umm  
hello?  
some of them are in Moria???  
and I'm pretty sure the dwarves deserve to be there?????  
especially now that the Balrog is gone?????????

**rangerdanger**  
jesus, frodo  
stop with the question marks  
and uh  
**N O**  
and that's final.

**spikeman**  
salty :<

**Frobb**  
:(

**_spikeman_ is offline.**

* * *

_ **"It's Hobbits, Bitches"** _

**bagginshit**  
i'm out of coffee  
and i also ran out of motivation to get out of bed

**cucumbor**  
oof

**brandyfuck**  
u really think coffee is important

**bagginshit**  
it's the only thing keeping me alive what the fuck do you mean by that  
please give me coffee  
i beg

**loyalistic**  
i think you've had enough  
you've barely ate and coffee isn't good for you

**tick took**  
he spittin fax

**bagginshit**  
wdym  
are y'all telling me that you'd rather let me suffer from caffeine withdrawal cuz that's honestly not cool

**brandyfuck**  
no one told you that get hooked up on caffeine 👀

**cucumbor**  
oof

**bagginshit**  
wow  
the auDacITY

**_bagginshit_ is offline.**

**cucumbor**  
srsly tho  
help him  
caffeine withdrawal is kinda tough

**loyalistic**  
we have lots of pillows and blankets

**brandyfuck**  
cuddles and kisses and water and love

**loyalistic**  
and body heat, if that counts??  
pls tell us it's enough

**cucumbor**  
Sam and Merry are boy scouts and I'm honestly not surprised.  
good luck i guess

––

**Frobb**  
a kid threw a knife at me what is happening in this world  
why is this happening  
how is this happening  
like  
the fuck

**Bimbo**  
what

**Frobb**  
yes  
what

**rangerdanger**  
are you injured?

**Elrond**  
are you well?

**Captain Obvious**  
please tell me you're not hurt

**Frobb**  
omg i've got 4 Dads™️  
but yes i am alright  
seriously tho what the fuck was that  
is that kid a hitman or something

**rangerdanger**  
what does he look like?

**Frobb**  
welp  
idk  
he's too fast and he's covered in mud  
kinda?? mud?? i'm not sure  
but he speaks French tho

**Elrond**  
out of all language  
French?

**Frobb**  
dude idk i'm not his parent or anything

**Captain Obvious**  
how do you even know it's French?

**Frobb**  
i know some curse words in French  
and he was speaking some curse words in French soo  
y'know  
yeah

**rangerdanger**  
Jesus  
you're kinda scary

**Frobb**  
thanks  
i guess

* * *

**bagginshit**   
_ **C O F F E E** _   
_ **P L E A S E** _   
_ **I A M S E L F - D E S T R U C T I N G** _   
_ **I B E G** _

**brandyfuck**  
someone turn of his rich text it's making me insane

**cucumbor**  
so...  
updates?

**loyalistic**  
not too good, sir  
Merry's cuddles ineffective  
body heat not too appreciated  
he's developing a black-eye, honest

**brandyfuck**  
i'M NOT

**cucumbor**  
wow

**tick took**  
he tough af

**bagginshit**   
_ **O M E L E T T E** _

**loyalistic**  
there it is

**_loyalistic_ is offline.**

**bagginshit**  
someone took off the rich text  
PIPIIN I MNOW THAT YOU

**brandyfuck**  
LMAOO  
WHAT EVEN IS THIS  
good job @tick took

**cucumbor**  
I swear to god  
I'll never touch coffee ever again

**tick took**  
and that's why we should stick to wine or ale :)

**bagginshit**  
pls :<  
buy me coffee :((

**brandyfuck**  
never look into his eyes

**tick took**  
aye aye

**bagginshit**  
pleeeeeaaaseeee D:  
is that so much to ask fooor :((((  
after all i've dONE :<<<<  
PLLEEEREAAAAASSEEEE

**cucumbor**  
oh my fucking god  
that tactic

**bagginshit**  
is my lungs collapsing  
holy eru

**brandyfuck**  
@tick took investigate pls  
never look into his eyes tho

**_tick took_ is offline.**

* * *

**sassybitch**  
why is @Faramier and @shitmaiden cleaning up the floor of the kitchen  
what the hell  
@rangerdanger gET IN HERE

**rangerdanger**  
what

**sassybitch**  
@Faramier and @shitmaiden is cleaning after some shit  
idk what it is  
in the kitchen

**rangerdanger**  
probably just wine or smth

**Son of a Gloin**  
or  
oooor  
👀👀👀👀

**rangerdanger**  
gimli you fucktard

**sassybitch**  
omG LMAO

**Son of a Gloin**  
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

––

**Faramier**  
GIMLI U FUCCTARD

**shitmaiden**  
GIMLI U FUCCTARD(2)  
THAT'S NOT WHAT IT WAS

**Son of a Gloin**  
...  
we were talking about mayonnaise  
cuz u remember @Faramier's addiction to mayonnaise that he'll just wake up suddenly in the middle of the night or just stop whatever he's doing just to find some mayonnaise  
y'know 👀👀

**Boromier**  
LMAOO

**sassybitch**  
LMAOO(2)

**Captain Obvious**  
LMAOO(3)  
@sassybitch i finally approve  
get ur friend here

* * *

**cucumbor**  
@bagginshit u there?  
@bagginshit ??

**bagginshit**  
hi !!! :)

**brandyfuck**  
what  
the fuck how

**cucumbor**  
??

**brandyfuck**  
we tOOK AWAY HIS PHONE

**bagginshit**  
u really think u could do that huh

**brandyfuck**  
omygod yes  
i mean no  
i mean idk  
u know what  
@bagginshit  
come here i'll give u cuddles

**bagginshit**  
:)


	14. Feet and Scarves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> half of the conversation got deleted because i'm an idiot >_< this is so short i'm so sorry

**Queen**  
sooo  
toes.

**Frobb**  
oh for fuck's sake  
stop with the foot fetish

**rangerdanger**  
feet feet feet

**Queen**  
FEET FEET FEET

**urbb**  
uh..  
feet?

**_Frobb_ is offline.**

* * *

**bagginshit**  
pippin-lad  
can I ask a question?

**tick took**  
ya sure

**bagginshit**  
Where is my scarf?

**tick took**  
um  
duh it's the internet u don't have to capitalize things lol

**bagginshit**  
lad  
where is it.

**tick took**  
cousin it's not a period, it's supposed to be a question mark  
u okay?

**brandyfuck**  
oh pippin you oblivious fuck

**tick took**  
i'm not obliviOUS!!

**brandyfuck**  
🤦

**loyalistic**  
oh you're here mr. frodo  
thank goodness  
pippin used your scarf as a dog leash

**_bagginshit_ is offline.**

**tick took**  
it was only as a dog leash!!  
i don't see what's wrong with that

**brandyfuck**  
either way  
good luck running for your life.

**loyalistic**  
aye

* * *

**bagginshit**  
if u treat them as those  
it's only fair that i retaliate for some reason

**tick took**  
uhuh

**bagginshit**  
and so, dear cousin  
Merry got me your own scarf

**tick took**  
and?

**bagginshit**  
and i'm going to fucking burn your Mr. Squeegie bear you little shit

**tick took**  
waIT NO  
WHAT THE FUCK

**cucumbor**   


i'm sorry i just need to

**brandyfuck**  
lmao


	15. Silence

**(_Private Message— Frodo and Merry_)**

**brandymer**  
@bagginshit ??  
don't go into the Study  
please

**bagginfro**  
aight  
what the fuck did you do

**brandymer**  
oop  
twasn't me

**bagginfro**  
aw fuck  
it's pip isn't it

**brandymer**  
yeah  
kinda

**bagginfro**  
wdym?  
kinda??  
also, he didn't steal another one of my scarves, right?

**brandymer**  
yeah yeah  
no scarves and shit

**bagginfro**  
then wut??

**brandymer**  
u remember his dog?  
Hu‐whatever it is?

**bagginfro**  
Huanita  
lmao that's such a weird name

oH I SEE

**brandymer**  
yep

**"_It's Hobbits, Bitches_"**

**bagginshit**  
pippin  
tell me  
why in the fucking seven hells would you bring a dog in my Study

**tick took**  
what

**bagginshit**  
don't "what" me you little scamp  
what is Huanita doing in the Study?

**cucumbor**  
woah wait  
Huanita???

**tick took**  
DON'T.  
Don't say anything about it.

**bagginshit**  
lmao yeah I know  
now back to the question.  
what is Huanita doing in the Study?

**tick took**  
you know dogs, cousin.  
they wander around and eat stuff

**bagginshit**  
"eat stuff"  
are you implying..  
hol up

**brandyfuck**  
doN'T CHECK

**loyalistic**  
he did

**bagginshit**  
have I already told you guys how awfully negative I feel at this very moment

**cucumbor**  
oof  
bye

**_cucumbor_ is offline.**

* * *

**sassybitch**  
this gc is so quiet lol  
hello??  
is anyone still here??

**Frobb**  
yep :)  
just weeks ago they were chanting about feet

**sassybitch**  
that's the point.  
_weeks ago_  
even sauron is awfully quiet

**Frobb**  
leave him be for a bit  
probably discussing things with Gandalf  
maybe??

**sassybitch**  
ye but everything's so quiet  
you know

..  
Frodo??  
aw fuck.  
u guys are awful :(

* * *

**(_Private Message— Frodo and Elrond_)**

**Elrond**  
we depart on September 19 from Rivendell.  
are you sure on the path that you're going to take?

**Frodo**  
yes.  
yes I am. :)

**Elrond**  
meet us at the forest, then.  
we'll be expecting you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first planned this chatfic to be long (or at least 50 chapters or so, just like other chatfics) but then it kinda doesn't make sense, now that I noticed that I mentioned Frodo's age. Frodo left the Shire at age 52, if I remember correctly. And so it's kinda unfair for him to stay in Middle-Earth for more years. I don't want my bb to suffer. :<
> 
> I really want to just ignore the canon stuffs but I can't. And I also don't know if I could go on— I have other fics that I want to write about, and so I couldn't just get stuck on this kind of stuff. The updates are getting slower, and shorter, and so I thought, "welp, time to end this soon". I really LOVE working on this fic so much, seeing your Kudos and comments and bookmarks, but I really need to end it soon. Either way, I'll probably make more in the future. ^^
> 
> This isn't the end tho lol. I'll update more!!


	16. Of Head and Stomachaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just another short one :p

**Frobb**  
my stomach is killing the heck out of me :(

**rangerdanger**  
so does my head :((

**Mithrandir**  
@Elrond looks like you have two patients here

**Elrond**  
both my sons are ill wtf

**Frobb**  
..  
1.) i'm proud to be ur son  
2.) i never thought i would see you, Elrond Peredhel, Lord of Imladris, say/type "wtf". Ever.

**rangerdanger**  
3.) why did i even think drowning myself in wine is a good what the hell

**sassybitch**  
so this is the King of all Free Peoples, huh

**rangerdanger**  
don't you fucking dare, legolas

**sassybitch**  
I won't 🤷  
I'm innocent.

**Frobb**  
innocent my ass

**rangerdanger**  
innocent my ass(2)

**Son of a Gloin**  
innocent my ass(3)

**sassybitch**  
@Son of a Gloin u asking for it or what

**Son of a Gloin**  
wHAT  
NO

**Frobb**  
lmao

**Son of a Gloin**  
u filthy Elf

**_Son of a Gloin_ is offline.**

**Elrond**  
@rangerdanger my son  
why in the name of Valar would you even try to "drown" yourself in wine??

**rangerdanger**  
a.) if you're thinking that I literally tried to drown myself in wine, you're wrong. I'm not stupid enough to do that.

**Elrond**  
I know what you meant, you idiot  
how many swigs did you take?

**rangerdanger**  
that's such a weird term lmao  
i mean idk i don't even remember

**Elrond**  
and why did you do it?

**Queen**  
hi!! :) is this gc alive now???

**Elrond**  
you didn't have an argument with my daughter, did you?

**rangerdanger**  
weLL nO  
i mean, kinda

**Elrond**  
??

**Queen**  
oh hi husband lmao

**rangerdanger**  
hello yourself, wife

**Queen**  
don't worry Ada, he's actually being dramatic he's fine

**rangerdanger**  
not my head, it's far from being "fine"

**Queen**  
we— Ara, Éo, Fara, and I— played truth or dare last night :)  
and yeah you kinda get the idea

**Elrond**  
oh jesus

**Queen**  
yeah, oh jesus

**Elrond**  
@Frobb how bout you?

**Frobb**  
I was yesterday years old when I learned that hot dogs exists

**Merhoe**  
and I was yesterday years old when I knew how idiotic my wise boyfriend could be

**Frobb**  
yeah i was yesterday years old when I learned that, too :)  
i'm glad i learned it  
and i was also yesterday years old when i knew how hard it is to throw hot dog carts at people :DD

**Elrond**  
whAT FRODO NO

**Frobb**  
omg no that was a joke lol

**Merhoe**  
and he also met a cat

**stinky breakfast man**  
yeah, and that cat scared Huanita so much :((

**rangerdanger**  
holup what  
Huanita??

**Boromier**  
sEE I'm not the only one

**Frobb**  
lmaoo yeah i know  
we could get them together, y'know

**Merhoe**  
absolutely not.

**Frobb**  
why?  
Huanita would be fine. It's not as if I'm going to let them close together every damn second.

**Merhoe**  
fair enough  
but still noo

**Frobb**  
fine

**Boromier**  
if anything you guys could buy a gorilla

**Frobb**  
you, @Boromier, is a genius

**Merhoe**  
nO

**Frobb**  
alright let's do this. let's buy a gorilla.

**Merhoe**  
oh my

fuck

is he really doing it??  
@Frobb  
@Frobb !!!  
bb !!!!!

**Boromier**  
oops

**rangerdanger**  
anyways, does any of you have water?

**Elrond**  
Aragorn son of Arathorn you have two feet for some reason.

**Queen**  
lolololol

**rangerdanger**  
fine .

**_rangerdanger_ is offline.**


	17. Ship Names

**Frobb**  
aight  
so  
*coughs as if to clear throat*

SamFro  
FroSam  
SamDo  
FroWise  
Baggee  
BagGam  
Gamins  
GamBam

ignore the last one that sounds so weird

**rangerdanger**  
oh my lord i'm dying

**Merhoe**  
what is this

**Frobb**  
dun worry, Merry dear  
you'll get your turn later

**sassybitch**  
_**G A M B A M**_  
ngl that sounds like a porn thing

**Prettiest**  
legolas, child  
that's fucking disgusting.

**Captain Obvious**  
SON  
LANGUAGE

**stinky breakfast man**  
yep, that does sound like a porn thing

**Mithrandir**  
and how would you know, Peregrin Took?

**Frobb**  
Grandpa Gandalf™️ and Daddy Thranduil™️  
hmm  
weird

**Merhoe**  
alright but  
Daddy Gandalf™️

**Frobb**  
OH MY GOD  
BABE  
NO

**Son of a Gloin**  
MY MIIND  
CHRIST

**urbb**  
SamFro sounds mighty cute

**Frobb**  
alright then 🙃

**Merhoe**  
Sam  
don't you go stealing my boyfriend, yeah mate?

**Frobb**  
jeez Merry  
he has a wife already.

**stinky breakfast man**  
i can't blame Merry tho  
you two are so close that I'm not even going to be surprised if all of the Shire proclaimed that they thought that you two are couples

**Merhoe**  
have i already told you guys how my beloved looks so beautiful when he's blushing  
i'm falling in love again

**shitmaiden**  
yoww @mereo  
our holdwine is quite smitten

**Merhoe**  
shuttup :<

**Frobb**  
FroRy  
MerDo  
MeDo  
FroDoc  
FroMer  
MerFro  
BagBran  
BranBag  
BagBuck  
Branins

our ship names are so weird wtf

**Merhoe**  
ehh  
merfro sounds pretty cute

**sassybitch**  
agree :)

**Queen**  
secondedd!! :))

**rangerdanger**   
_ **B A G B U C K** _

* * *

**Frobb**  
"Happy" is such a weird name  
'cause what if that person isn't really happy?

**rangerdanger**  
back at it again with 3 AM thoughts are we, frodo

**Frobb**  
sorry  
can't sleep

**rangerdanger**  
tis alright

**stinky breakfast man**  
this gc is so quiet

**Frobb**  
well, pip, it _is_ 3 am

**stinky breakfast man**  
i don't just mean right now  
i meant,  
well,  
everyone doesn't chat here as often as they do, just like last month, or when the gc was created  
we've always been so noisy, 3 AM or not

**rangerdanger**  
yeah  
i miss the noise, too, pippin.

**Frobb**  
as much as i hate to say it, pip  
not everything could stay like what they were before

**stinky breakfast man**  
i know

**Frobb**  
it isn't as bad as you might think it is, pip  
we have things to do in our life.  
it's not like we could stay here forever, now, couldn't we?

**stinky breakfast man**  
no, of course not

**rangerdanger**  
welp, sleep.

**_rangerdanger_ is offline.**   
**_stinky breakfast man_ is offline.**   
**_Frobb_ is offline.**


	18. Twenty-fifth

**Merhoe**

sent it :)

**Frobb**

what's this?

**rangerdanger**

did you really just sent an email in the middle of a meeting

**Frobb**

are you seriously messaging back _in the middle of a meeting?_

**Queen**

lmao

**Frobb**

you too ig

**Merhoe**

what's that meeting about anyways?

**rangerdanger**

idk wasn't listening

**sassybitch**

they just called a meeting to discuss about food supplies as if the war isn't over  
and it's bloody ridiculous

**spikeman**

_ **I can hear you.** _

**sassybitch**

oof sorry

**Frobb**

so y'all at the meeting?

@shitmaiden ??

**shitmaiden**

present

yep i'm there too lol

**Faramier**

(1)

**Boromier**

(2)

**Son of a Gloin**

me too for some reason

i don't know why i'm here

**Boromier**

We're v. good counsellors.

**rangerdanger**

@Frobb @urboy

we sent u an email last month and u both didn't reply

**Frobb**

u really think we have some free time to read ur shitty emails

**rangerdanger**

I was only asking you guys to be my counsellors as well!!

You know, the usual

representing countries and stuff

**Frobb**

as far as I know hobbits don't really give a shit??

Welp, the Mayor, the Thain, and the Master _might_

and aren't one or two of them supposed to be the one representing the Shire??

**rangerdanger**

I have no idea who they are wtf

you guys are the only Hobbits that are aware of who I am!!

**Frobb**

then send Merry or Pip idc :/

**rangerdanger**

you two have been my counsellors before u guys go home

**Frobb**

bla bla bla bla not listening

**rangerdanger**

fuck u

**Frobb**

nOT LISTENING

**Merhoe**

pay attention to ur meeting u idiot

**Queen**

gotcha

* * *

**Merhoe**

any of you read the email yet

**Frobb**

fuck me that was cringey as hell

**sassybitch**

I can't stop cringing omg

**rangerdanger**

t'was bloody brilliant

but still cringey

**Faramier**

did u honestly just made a poem about @Frobb

**Merhoe**

holup lemme explain

that was Lotho's poem lmaoo

**Frobb**

thank the valar he's fucking dead

I mean that was rude but

jesus

I don't know how I'm going to face him after reading that

**urboy**

"petite body and female features"

oH my

**Frobb**

female features?????

what the fuck i'm not _that_ effeminate what the hell

**stinky breakfast man**

the people of Gondor thought that you were a female when they first saw you lmaoo

**rangerdanger**

can we talk about how he rhymed "features" with "lectures"

**Frobb**

aight imma delete it

oh my god i

**Merhoe**

i'm super glad u left Buckland when u were a tween  
idk what he might've done

**Frobb**

umm??

love he lives in Hobbiton as well??

**Merhoe**

then at least u have Bilbo and Sam

u really think my parents give a shit about what would happen to you and him

**Frobb**

fair

**rangerdanger**

are we missing something??

**Frobb**

none

doesn't matter

my childhood was awesome 9/10 would still recommend

**Boromier**

I'm crying that poem was beautiful

**Frobb**

fuck you aye mate

**shitmaiden**

imagine if that was recorded

and distributed to people

just in case someone hadn't seen you yet and someone asked who the Ring-bearer was

**Frobb**

call me immature

but fuck you wynwyn

**Queen**

wynwyn???

that's adorable :))

**sassybitch**   
_ **immature** _

**Prettiest**

that poem is...just _fucked_

you know what i mean

**Frobb**  
lmao

* * *

**Frobb**

so umm

I feel like I'm being stared at and it's weird

**Merhoe**

that's not me

**Frobb**

I think I need cuddles :<

**Merhoe**

eHEM GOTTA BLAST

**_Merhoe_ is offline.**

**stinky breakfast man**

eew

cuddles

**Frobb**

pip it's just a cu

**rangerdanger**

umm

@Frobb ??

yoww @Frobb ?????

**stinky breakfast man**

"cuddles" stands for "sex" yknow

his phone dropped for the second time today lmao

**shitmaiden**

OMG THAT'S GAY

**rangerdanger**

and how do you know?

**stinky breakfast man**

well they make a fuck lots of noises and I'm staying in the same smial

and Merry just developed a habit of just jumping on Frodo like a randy dog

so

y'know

@urbb hears it too sometimes but apparently he and Rosie isn't here

**rangerdanger**

oh.

**stinky breakfast man**

jesus they moan a lot

**Boromier**

I don't think we need to know about details.

**Faramier**

@stinky breakfast man please continue

**Boromier**

BROTHER U PERVERT

**shitmaiden**

nah nah he's got a point

@stinky breakfast man please continue

**sassybitch**

u guys fit for each other ngl

**stinky breakfast man**  
like how Merry fits with Frodo rn??

**sassybitch**

OMG 💀

**stinky breakfast man**  
I am confusion  
why aren't their beds creaking?

**rangerdanger**

and y does it have to creak??

**stinky breakfast man**

well they move a lot

**Faramier**

and who's on top?

**Boromier**

FARAMIR WHAT THE FUCK

**stinky breakfast man**

well Merry's on top and he's??

like?

grounding against Frodo??

like, between his legs??

and Frodo makes a lot of noises somehow ://

**rangerdanger**

jesus i can't

**_rangerdanger_ is offline.**

**stinky breakfast man**  
that raunchy sound is weird

**Boromier**

jesus fuck pippin 🤦♂️

**_Boromier_ is offline.**

* * *

**Frobb**  
Peregrin Took you rascal

**stinky breakfast man**  
says someone who kept on moaning as if there's no tomorrow

**sassybitch**

LMAOOOO

**Frobb**

1.) we weren't having sex  
2.) what the fuck I wasn't moaning

**Faramier**  
so you did have sex with Merry

**Frobb**  
he's my freAKING COUSIN!!!!

**stinky breakfast man**  
"freaking" = "fucking"

**sassybitch**

OMG I CAN'T I'M DYINGGG 💀

**Frobb**

Shut the fuck up, Legolas.

**stinky breakfast man**

oof

did i touch a nerve, cousin?

**_Frobb_ is offline.**

* * *

**stinky breakfast man**

so both of my cousins are angry with me

**Mithrandir**

give yourself a pat on the back, then

**Frobb**

I'm not angry. I can never be angry with you, you horrible munchkin.

**Merhoe**

you horrible munchkin(2)

**urbb**

give urself a pat on the back now, then

* * *

**Merhoe**

"Can we talk about his eyes, though,  
for I see summer sweet sun rays in that orb."

**sassybitch**

oh my god stOP

i've moved on already

**Frobb**

fucking hell Mer stop

**Queen**

please stop

me and my husband are dying of laughter here lmaoo

**Boromier**

it's accurate tho

**rangerdanger**

I had someone copy it.

We're going to distribute it tomorrow

**Frobb**

WHAT

ARAGORN NO

**Faramier**

already done

**Frobb**

...

fuck you

fuck you in the nastiest way possible

**rangerdanger**

thanks

**sassybitch**

lmaoo

* * *

**Frobb**

@rangerdanger DON'T CALL ME

u know how I hate phone calls

**rangerdanger**

wELL REPLY TO ME THEN

**Frobb**

then PM me!! I didn't receive any messages you idiot

**Faramier**

can y'all just calm down

* * *

**( _Private Message — Frodo and Aragorn_ )**

**idot**

what is it

**Idot**

March is coming up.

**idot**

Happy New Year!! :)

**Idot**

u know what I mean

**idot**

umm??

what???

**Idot**

March 13

**idot**

umm up to 25?

**Idot**

I feel like you should go to those who could help you ease your pain.

Ride to Gondor, or maybe just in Rivendell

my father still dwells there

**idot**

ik

he messaged me too

**Idot**

and?

**idot**

and I chose to stay in the Shire

**Idot**

i don't think that's wise

Elrond could help you, and so could I

**idot**

shush

I have the Evenstar to help me

**Idot**

and is that enough?

**idot**

well, if it offered you comfort throughout the whole journey, then it could ease me as well

nothing could save me, Aragorn

I think it's time that we accept that.

**Idot**

well I didn't say anything about healing you fully now did I?

**idot**

are you angry?

**Idot**

no

sorry

it's just

call me

please

**idot**

fine.

* * *

Fingering the jewel on his neck, Frodo sighed and sat down. He made sure to lock the door in his Study and so his cousins could not enter, but he opened the window to let the air in. The sight of the Shire afternoon made him feel peaceful— dandelions and campanulas dancing in the garden where Sam had planted them a year ago, children running around, and young lads holding pipes, no doubt trying it theirselves while their parents aren't around. He leaned against his sturdy chair, pouring himself tea.

"_Sam is busy now, isn't he_?"

Frodo chuckled. "You're making it sound as if he already abandoned me for the rest of his life."

"_But still_—"

"Sam and Rosie are expecting their first baby. Soon. Do you think I could leave?"

"_Rivendell_—"

"'Course you'd say that." Frodo sighed again. "Sam would want me to be here, Aragorn. He would search for me if I wasn't around. If he'd find out where I am, even if I said to him that he should stay, he'd follow."

"_I don't think Sam could disobey you if you said that he could stay_."

"I don't think you don't know Sam as well as we do— as _I_ do, Aragorn," he said, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes. "Look, Ara— just let me be. Please. I'm alright. I can do this. It'll pass soon, I swear, and I'd still be alive."

Silence greeted his statement, and Frodo wondered if Aragorn already ended the call.

"_How much more_?"

Taken aback, Frodo's eyebrows raised, gripping his phone tighter. "What?"

"_How much more suffering would you take_?"

A laugh almost burst from his chest at the bitterness that he felt— and he was sure that Aragorn was feeling as well— but he swallowed it down, clearing his throat and trying to find an answer good enough to satisfy the King.

"As much as I hate to say it, I could do nothing about it, Ara. I have to." He gulped, had to gasp for breath, for somehow he ran out of breath. "Don't you understand? _I have to_. I could not run from i—"

"_Then try—_"

"It's not as _easy_ as _that_." Frodo's whisper cut through Aragorn's statement as readily as a shout, and the King was once again quiet.

"_And what would you do_?"

Closing his eyes, letting his right hand rub his left shoulder as the wound announced itself continuously through series of throbs, Frodo's lip formed into a small, patient smile. It diminished when a throb came forward from the wound in his nape.

"I...I don't know. But I have to stay here, _somehow_."

"_So would you just hide away again_?"

"Most likely."

Aragorn's sigh made Frodo's heart squeeze for a second, and the Hobbit smiled. "Is that all?"

"_Yes, you little brat. Take care_."

Laughing, Frodo said a little "bye" in return, putting down his phone. Looking towards the West, Frodo smiled, clutching the jewel in his breast.

"Soon."

* * *

**( _Private Message — Frodo and Sam_ )**

**Sammie**

Mr. Frodo??

**Fro**  
hmm??

**Sammie**

Mayor Whitfoot wanted us to attend to supper at the Green Dragon later

"as a token of thanks" he said

**Fro**

whyever so?

**Sammie**

Well

Masters Merry and Pip told him the Story, you know  
about you and I in Mordor

and all that

and yeah

**Fro**

what??? when???

**Sammie**

just a few hours ago

**Fro**

well

I have things to do, Sam

I'll probably skip

please tell him

**Sammie**

okie then sir

**Fro**

yep

**Sammie**

..and Mr. Frodo?

**Fro**

??

**Sammie**

I'm sorry I wasn't able to look after you for these past few days

**Fro**

dear Sam

there's no need to apologize

I understand

**Sammie**

I'll see you later then, sir

**Fro**

sure :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was rated Mature for some reason lol.
> 
> sksksksks I'm super sorry about the angst idk why I included it :<


	19. Substitutes

**stinky breakfast man**

@Merhoe yoww

where are u??

**Frobb**

entering without permission, now, are we?

**sassybitch**

I'm thinking of something dirty and unpleasant

**Frobb**

eew

**rangerdanger**

lol

**Merhoe**

Frodo dear

where are u?

**Frobb**

told you I'm at the kitchen

**Faramier**

so does "kitchen" stand for "bedroom" like how "cuddles" stands for "sex"

**Frobb**

Faramir, kindly fuck off

**Boromier**

lmao

**Merhoe**

return to the tree then

**stinky breakfast man**  
are you two climbing that tree again

**Frobb**

why not?

**sassybitch**

probably got tired of their bed

**_Frobb_ removed _Legolas Greenleaf_ from this group.**

**Frobb**

one down

**shitmaiden**

@Faramier better shut up then

**Faramier**

😶😶

**shitmaiden**

good boy

* * *

**( _Private Message — Frodo and Legolas_ )**

**Elfish Presley**

bruh

**Bag-In-Box**

serves you right

**Elfish Presley**

I won't do it again

promise >_<

**Bag-In-Box**

hmmpph

* * *

**_Frobb_ added _Legolas Greenleaf_ to this group.**

**_Frobb_ changed _Legolas Greenleaf_'s nickname to _shamelf_**.

**shamelf**

uhuh

hii ^^

**rangerdanger**

uhuh

hii.


	20. Undying Lands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we almost done :)

**Frobb**

Hiiiii ^^

**Boromier**

???

HIII!!! :))))

**rangerdanger**

something's about to happen

I could feel it

**Elrond**

Total chaos.

**rangerdanger**

oH ADA YOU STILL HERE HI HELLO GREETINGS :)

**Elrond**

??

**Queen**

we were discussing you last night lol

**Elrond**

well that's creepy

about what?

**Frobb**  
about se

**Merhoe**

dear no you're not allowed to say the s word

**Frobb**

anyways hii February's almost ending :))

**rangerdanger**

:))

**Prettiest**

and we're close to going home :))))

**Mithrandir**

liKE FUCKING FINALLY RIGHT

**Frobb**

:))))

**Elrond**

:))))))

**Frobb**

also

where's Bilbo??

**Elrond**

welp

uh

sleeping??

he's growing old, Frodo

let him rest

**Frobb**

:>

**Queen**

about your departure, Ada

**Boromier**

...oh.

**Faramier**

well that's just sad

Elrond seems like a cool father

**shitmaiden**

^

**Queen**

^^

he is :))

**Frobb**

he's not my biological father but he's cool af i love you Dad :))))

**Elrond**

waIT WHAT

FRODO

THE HELL

**shamelf**

Elrond is our Dad™️

**Captain Obvious**

No.

**shamelf**

shuttup grandpa

**stinky breakfast man**  
LMAOO

**Frobb**

don't worry @Captain Obvious

you're my dad too :))

luv u ^^💕💕💕

**Captain Obvious**

oh fuck

i'm crying again

**Frobb**

:))

**urbb**

must

protecc

**Frobb**

^^

**Merhoe**

must love :))

**Frobb**

cuddles

**stinky breakfast man**  
oh god

* * *

**urbb**

oh fucj

**rangerdanger**

k*

**shamelf**

yow??

**urbb**

so um

i'm nervous

**mereo**

??

**urbb**

happy new year, by the way, sirs and ma'ams

**Queen**

happy new year, too ^^

**shitmaiden**

oh sam u wholesome lil shit

happy new year ^^

**urbb**

and

uh

the baby's coming

and they took me away because i'm panicking

**rangerdanger**

WHAT

OMG

CONGARST

VALM DOWN SAM

**urbb**

umm

**shamelf**

OMG :)))))

SAM JR. !!!!!

**shitmaiden**

aight, Sam

just calm down, yeah?

Rosie and the baby will be alright

just take a deep breath

is there any water with you? drink some. :)

**urbb**

thankee, ma'am

I just

she's screaming and i don't know what to do

**Queen**

Sam, listen

you're doing alright

she as well

it's normal, super super normal

you have to calm down, tho

just wait for a lil bit

she needs you there, and so u have to be calm

you've done that before :)

u can do this :))

**urbb**

thank

**_urbb_ is offline.**

**shamelf**

t h a n k

**rangerdanger**

shush you

* * *

**rangerdanger**

WHERE'S FRODO

**Boromier**

wha

WHERE'S FRODO

WHERE'S MY BB

**shamelf**

holy fuck WHERE'S FRODO

**Elrond**

what

**rangerdanger**

W H E R E ' S F R O D O

**Elrond**

wh

HE'D BEEN QUIET FOR 13 DAYS ALREADY

**Queen**

ALRIGHT BUT HOW THE FUCK DID NO ONE NOTICED

**Faramier**

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKK

**shitmaiden**

Y'ALL WHAT THE HELL

**Faramier**

alright but what if he's busy helping Sam out?

**rangerdanger**

ALRIGHT BUT WHY DID NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGED THE FACT THAT 13 DAYS AGO WAS MARCH 13

**Boromier**  
...and?

**Faramier**

oH WAIT

HOLY FUCK

SOMEONE CALL SAM

**Queen**

YOU CAN'T CALL SAM HE'S BUSY WITH THE BABY

**Faramier**

WHO'S WITH FRODO RN

**stinky breakfast man**  
Y'ALL  
HE'S ALONE

**rangerdanger**

WTF WHERE U GUYS AT

**Merhoe**

DUDE WE WERE ORDERED TO GO HOME

IT'S NOT AS IF WE WANT TO

**Queen**

welp tbf u two are thain and master soo

**Merhoe**

we'll be back as soon as we can, we promise

* * *

( _**Private Message — Éowyn and Sam**_ )

**Éowyn**

hii sam :)

ik ur busy

congrats on the baby btw

but I just want u to check on Frodo as soon as you can??

like, he already told us that u three live on the same house

now four :)

but apparently merry and pip can't stay to watch him

and we haven't heard of him for 13 days

so you're probably not with him rn

please check on him. please tell us he's okay

bless you, and your family :)

we luv u sam ❤

* * *

**( _Private Message — Éowyn and Frodo_ )**

**wynwynn**

hey Fro :)

u've been quiet, and ik ur probably not alright rn

but please respond, if u can

we're worried

I'm really sorry for not checking up on you

and pip had said that ur alone rn

we're here for u, Fro

stay strong, love 💕

sam would probably come as soon as he can

we love you ❤

* * *

_ **(September 20)** _

**Frobb**

hi :)

**rangerdanger**

hi

**shamelf**

h i

**Son of a Gloin**  
H I

**Boromier**   
**H I**

**Mithrandir**

_ **H I** _

**rangerdanger**

yow where tf have u been

**Mithrandir**

business

**Prettiest**

on the bright side thoo

WE COULD SAIL SOON :))))

in fact we're already setting out

This is so uncharacteristic of me, I know.

I'm just.

so excited :)

**Frobb**

plus we're going to meet Bilbo soon enough :)

He'll be 130 :))

**shamelf**

that's awesome :)

**Frobb**

it is :)

* * *

_ **"The Big People"** _

**Arwen**

so uh

Frodo chose

**Gandalf**

dude shush

yes he did

**Aragorn**

what do you mean "shush"

u big meanie

u didn't even tell us

**Gandalf**

look,

he wants to keep it as a secret, and I'm merely following what he wants

**Boromir**

I'm not surprised tbh

**Gandalf**  
and I guess this is goodbye?

and I'm sorry but cirdan is here criticizing me with his eyes just because he wants me to look serene or whatever but I'm here with my phone

so

uhh

bye I guess

see you someday, maybe not

lmao

**_Gandalf_ is offline.**

**Arwen**

that fucker's up to something

**Aragorn**

ik

**Legolas**

alright but can we focus on the fact that Frodo's leaving

like,

without telling anyone?

**Arwen**

well, they'll know soon enough.

idk what we should do about that

**Boromir**

guess we have to wait and see

* * *

**Gimli**

ALRIGHT BUT WHAT IF THERE'S NO WAY TO COMMUNICATE FROM WHEREVER THEY'RE GOING

**Arwen**

I seriously doubt that

**Boromir**

yeah but

I mean

have you been there yourself?

**Arwen**

well, no

but

okay here's the thing

idk, cuz Ada kept telling me that if I didn't sail, I would never see them again, or some stuff

but I'm pretty sure it's just a way of scaring me?? so  
I mean

Valinor?? without wi-fi??

sounds like some bullshit

* * *

**Arwen**

yow so apparently I can't contact Ada

and I guess what Gimli's saying is possible

so um

fuck

that could possibly mean that we can't contact Frodo as well

Aragorn's here pacing

just act like we don't know anything okay

**Boromir**

gotcha

* * *

**stinky breakfast man**

hi, everyone

we have something to tell

**Queen**

um

**stinky breakfast man**

he left

along with them

**rangerdanger**

oh.

**Boromier**

..oh

**shamelf**

this soon?

**stinky breakfast man**

and he didn't tell anyone

not even Sam

not even Merry

**Faramier**

what's going on?

**stinky breakfast man**

and do y'all know how stupid that is?

to just leave without telling anyone?

**rangerdanger**

It wasn't his fault, Pip

he's hurt

badly

and he has the rights to seek healing, if he could

**stinky breakfast man**

I'm not blaming him for hurting

but I'm blaming him for keeping this a secret

for leaving us just like that, being too secretive of things that he doesn't even need to be secretive of

**Boromier**  
I'm really sorry to hear that...

* * *

**( _Private Message — Frodo and Pippin_ )**

**Pisqueak**   


  
LMAOO IT WORKED

**Frodork**

LMAOO GOD JOB

* * *

**_Frodo Baggins_ created this group.**

**_Frodo Baggins_ named this group "_Hobbits_™️".**

**_Frodo Baggins_ added _Peregrin Took_, _Meriadoc Brandybuck_, _Samwise Gamgee_.**

**Frodo**

aight gang

**Meriadoc**

it's working lmao

good job @Peregrin

**Samwise**

begging your pardon, that is

but is it really necessary?

**Frodo**

well, Lord Elrond and all of them are on-board soo

OH WAIT THAT'S UNINTENTIONAL LMAOO

**Peregrin**

I kinda hate your puns sometimes, cousin

**Frodo**

lmao thanks

honestly tho,

it had only been hours but I miss you guys now 🥺

**Samwise**

how many days would you sail, sir?

**Frodo**

I don't know, Sam

they didn't tell me

maybe for a few more days :)

**Meriadoc**

stay safe, then

* * *

**( _Private Message — Merry and Frodo_ )**

**brandymer**

I miss you, too, you dipshit

**bagginfro**

I miss you so much, love.

Remember your promise?

**brandymer**

I do

I'll look after them, I swear

**bagginfro**

that's my mer

I love you, you do know that, yes?

**brandymer**

I love you, Frodo Baggins.

**bagginfro**  
:)

**brandymer**

:)

* * *

**Boromier**  
umm

should I be scared

**rangerdanger**

he's not dead yet u fucktard

**Queen**

IT'S POSSIBLE

I KNEW IT

THESE FOUR FUCKTARDS LIED TO US

**stinky breakfast man**

@Frobb

lmao

**rangerdanger**

PIPPIN ARE YOU IN THIS TOO

**stinky breakfast man**

🤷‍♂️

**Boromier**

lemme guess

@Merhoe and @urbb are in this as well

**Merhoe**

🤷‍♂️

**urbb**

🤷‍♂️

**Frobb**  
🤷‍♂️

**Elrond**

🤷‍♂️

**Prettiest**

🤷‍♀️

**Mithrandir**

**🤷‍♂️**

**shitmaiden**

the seven fucktards LMAOO

**Frobb**

we already have that gc LMAOO

**shamelf**

HONESTLY THAT'S FUCKED UP

DON'T EVer do that again :(

we miss you 🥺

**Frobb**

aww waitt

I miss you too leggyyy 🥺💕💕

I MISS EVERYONE HEREEEE 💕💕💕

**rangerdanger**

we miss you too 🥺❤

but honestly I'm not gonna talk to you for 2 hours because I'm still mad bc you scared me like that

**_rangerdanger_ is offline.**

**Frobb**

what a loser lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're still reading this, then thank you 🥺 I really mean it, from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> Also, I'm really sorry for not updating frequently. Life kinda gets in the way lol.
> 
> and please stay at home, wear masks if you're going outside, and wash your hands!! ^^ I love every single one of you. ❤
> 
> I wish I could say more to express my gratitude, but idk what to say soo... 🤷


	21. Epilogue

_ **( S.R. 1482 )** _

**stinky breakfast man**

welcome, my Lords, to this group chat that y'all probably forgot had existed!

**Merhoe**

Pip that has always been my line

stop stealing and adding things :(

**Frobb**

GREETINGS

**Boromier**

AYY

**rangerdanger**

Y'ALL

**Frobb**

oh my god you're still alive?

**rangerdanger**

uhh

yes?

**Frobb**

welp

**stinky breakfast man**

and so are we

**Merhoe**

LOOK WHO'VE REACHED THE AGE OF 100 :D

**Frobb**

and you still have fast fingers

**stinky breakfast man**

;)

**Frobb**

and this fool is still here making sex jokes, I believe

**Merhoe**

yep

and Sam's on his way, Elanor had said

**Frobb**

is he?

for real?

**Merhoe**

yep

**Frobb**

I'm glad, then

**urbb**

and begging your pardon, Master

but I hope you don't run off without your Sam

and I hope you accept this 102-year-old hobbit when I arrived there

**Frobb**

don't be silly, Samwise Gamgee

'Course I will

**Merhoe**

and begging your pardon, too, sir Gard'ner

I hope you look out for this old scamp and make sure that he doesn't run off

**Frobb**

Merry, dear, I might be 112 but I'm not too old yet

**sassybitch**

that sentence does not make any sense

**Frobb**

bleh

besides, idk if this is Tol Eressëa magic or smth but I look as if I'm 33 years old

**Queen**

11/10 Tol Eressëa magic lmao

**Mithrandir**

now if you'll excuse me, this little 33-year-old scamp needs to take his nap

**Frobb**

I'm 112 >:(

**Prettiest**

you're merely 5 years old

now carry on

**Frobb**

why do you four always gang up on me :(

**Elrond**

I'm not included on this one

and neither is Bilbo

**Frobb**

well now you two are

**Elrond**

by merely showing up?

**Frobb**

by merely knowing that I'm including you both

**Son of a Gloin**

lmao

**shitmaiden**

I'm just here to greet y'all but I also need a nap

anyways hii

**Frobb**

HII!! :)

**Faramier**

jesus a steward is sleeping here

**shitmaiden**

dear

mute your phone

**Frobb**

omg

Faramir is a boomer, confirmed

**Faramier**

shut up

I'm not

**_Frobb_ changed _Faramir_'s name from _Faramier_ to _Faraboomer_.**

**Faraboomer**

I hate you, u know that, Fro

**Frobb**

lol

I hate you too

* * *

**Mithrandir**

and so passes seemingly every single mortal in this group

**Frobb**

holup

we can still chat :)

**Merhoe**

yey

**Elrond**

how

_ **Frobb** _ **added _Námo _to this group chat.**

**Mithrandir**

oh my god

**Prettiest**

lmaoo 💀

**Elrond**

welp

_ **Elrond **_ **is offline.**

**Námo**

Frodo is no match to Lúthien but

like

well, Hobbits are cute soo.

🤷‍♂️

**rangerdanger**

men too dude they ain't special

**Frobb**

fuck u Beren-wannabe

**Queen**

lmao take that

**Prettiest**

listen, can we please just _die _without having to take up the responsibility of returning to this GC please

_ **Frobb ** _ **added _Finarfin _to this group.**

**Finarfin**

young frodo here says there's this gc here...?

OH HELLO DAUGHTER

**Prettiest**

kill me

please

**stinky breakfast man**

that's basically the whole summary of this group chat so there's no need to back read

**urbb**

Mr. Frodo

can we not add more

well, high people?

**Frobb**

nonsense, Sam

you and Yavanna will make a great pair

Nienna's great, too. I love her so much. :)

so excuse me I'm just gonna add more

"high people"

**Mithrandir**

fuck me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaah I can't believe this is finished :))))
> 
> thank you so much for reading :D


End file.
